A Healing & Informative Site About Narcissistic Sociopaths

Sociopath Darkenss

When we are involved with a Sociopath our bright world turns into darkness. All the joy, happiness, contentment we once felt is now gone. How does this happen? Why does this happen?

Sociopaths draw their life blood from innocent people. When you met, they were the most amazing  person. Everything about them was perfect. Everything about the two of you was perfect. How did you not see that there was/is something truly wrong with them?

As I have said in previous posts, the Sociopath moves the relationship quickly, so as to keep you feeling that sense of euphoria. But what is happening is they are creating a silent Trauma Bond . Why do they do this? Because you are what they are needing at the time…..and nothing more. This is what feeds them, that control over your happiness, sadness, mental breaking, giving them the sense of superiority over you. It’s a sick Head FuckeryBut to the Sociopath they don’t think they are doing anything wrong. This is their inability to bond, to actually know what love feels like. And yet, you find yourself unable to break your bond with them. 

I have said countless times No Contact  is the only way to healing. And yes, you will break that many times. The Sociopath is so skilled at obtaining what they want. So if you have been away, and the Sociopath contacts you directly or indirectly, you find yourself back in their hell. I’m not going to say ‘it’s ok’, but I do understand. Sometimes it takes many, many, many times of breaking the no contact before you finally realize the Sociopath will never, ever change. Ever! I know you want to believe the hearts & flower words they will say after the break-up. But that is just more head fuckery, just another avenue to get from you what they want. Other’s will contact you just to have the Last WordBut nobody says you have to listen. No one says you have to take on their cruel, viscous, hurtful, hateful words. You honesty do have the strength and control over yourself. Yes, you feel like you have to constantly defend your words or actions to them. Why? Who are they to question what you say and do? How many years did you live before you met them? Happy, content years??? Ask yourself that? Then tell yourself you can and will live more years without them. 

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“Don’t be afraid of your dark places. If you can shine a light on them, you can find treasure in there.”      jennette walls

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13 Responses to “Sociopath Darkenss”

  1. Desiree

    This came at the perfect time. I’ve been one of those who has broken no contact multiple times. In those times of no contact my mind plays tricks on me and I start to think he is not that bad, or he is so confused and I go into my I can fix him, rescue him. Every time I do I end up mentally screwed for days, like a hangover that never goes away. This time I am really praying and working at NO CONTACT. My logical mind knows it’s the only way out but the rest of me want to get vindication, to be accepted, appreciated….that will NEVER happen! Thanks for this, again it came at the most perfect time.

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply
    • Tela

      Desiree, what you are going through is completely normal. Your logical mind is trying to make sense of the illogical words and actions of the Sociopath. It’s hard! Very hard! Yes, you want the vindication, appreciation etc. We all do. However, we will never receive that from the Sociopath. Ever. You do matter! Your comments on my post help other’s to know they are not alone! You are appreciated! Just remind yourself, that when you find you want to break the No Contact, the outcome will once again be the same. He will give you the same bullshit to mentally screw you up & like you said, have that hangover! You have the control, hang onto it! ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
  2. Debbie

    Although I’m healing, it still hits me when when I read your post’s, not in the same emotional way, but still that confusion i.e was I really always over-reacting? Did he really have to walk on egg shells around me? Was I really that selfish? Of course I now know that I wasn’t any of these, in actual fact on looking back I was walking on glass!!! never mind the egg shells lol.
    Here is his last text to me, a year and a half after we finished.
    “Hi there just a text to find out how you are? If this text annoys you or upsets you disregard it.i know a lot of things happened in the past but I still think of you !! This text is a no strings attached text cos I know we always clash!!”
    The only reason I’ve kept the text is for evidence of dates in case I ever need to show harassment from him.
    I mean who in their right mind would contact an ex partner after that long a period, just to see how they are?? I don’t think any normal person would, you just get on with your life, but with a sociopath they can’t handle you moving on and learning to be happy again.
    I will never stop reading your posts because it’s a reminder to always be aware of these types of people.
    Thank you 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    • Santaland

      …..glass? For me it was more like moving landmines, just when I thought, I got it, move 2 degrees east, then side step, 4 degrees north, do not look that way, do not think this, ignore that…..boom. Why? Because those landmines are moved constantly, almost like a strategic military operation, yet in their case it is random, no thought, no timing just whatever they feel, one day there are more landmines in clusters, other days spread all over the place..

      …the text message. Fishing, boredom, checking in to remind you etc. yet cunningly disguised i.e. ‘upsets you disregard’ and ‘no strings’ followed by the words “we always clash”…there is the indirect yet direct blame.

      My question, why, why bother someone after 1.5 years, why? Because if this nonsence notion that they ‘own’ all their past relationships, that they are relentless, Impulsivity. Why bother? In my case I always think that if you have a friend and you treat them the way they treated you, that friend would be no more. So in the relationship it was even worse, it was pure hell, sure some days were great, but the bad poisoned the good always. Never a time when you could go out without your bombproof suit.

      As you concluded Debbie, the same goes for me, I need the reminders.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
      • Debbie

        santaland your excellent with putting it into words, I’ve always been so confused I could never find the words to describe how it actually was, as I was reading your reply, Im saying yeah that’s it, that’s how it was, MINEFIELD’s and yes the blame was always placed onto me. and still he try’s.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Santaland

        To Debbie, please do remember they have no real strategy in my opinion, they act on impulsivity. They are actually quite lazy. Those landmines are not premeditated and strategically placed, sure one or two of them…when you catch them lying (which is constant) or raise an issue that pains you (landmine will blow because we bore them with our ‘issues’) so they fold their arms, roll their eyes, just waiting for us to shut up. Blame….yep. Your received text message was exactly that what I wrote, nothing more, nothing less. The ‘we’ always clash is the only part he tried to pull a fast one on you. Analyze that or answer these questions: If ‘we always clash’ then why send the text msg, why ask how you are, why assume the message should be ignored, why say lots has happened (a modicum of guilt perhaps??, but I doubt that because had your responded…you wold be blamed).

        Tela did a great job some months back when I described a Sociopath Weekend, when i was in a low…but that was typical. And when they talk their mouth goes a mile a minute in the end, when their lips move they lie. Somewhere along their filibuster is bullshit, if not all. My friend thinks this, they say that about you, always someone else.

        Disengage, ignore, no contact and avoid at all costs. BTW block his number.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Debbie

        Santaland, thank you, you got more out of that text message than I did, I just put it down to Im doomed if I do (reply) or doomed if I dont.
        Yes his number has been blocked since then, although he still keeps in contact with my daughter (24) & no she is not his child. I worry for her because she does not understand what he is like, she only ever saw my reactions to him, yes he was very clever. But I have no control over who she speaks to, however, I made it very clear to her, I do not wish him to know anything about me, nor do I wish to hear anything about him, for my protection.
        I know the only reason he keeps in touch with her is to try to break the bond & trust between us, but because I’m aware of what he is doing I would never allow anything that he is part of to destroy my relationship with my daughter & I, there would be no end of my forgiveness for her.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Santaland

        To Debbie, excuse my bluntness…WTF is your daughter talking to him for. Sure they might have ‘bonded’ but now he is using her to glean any/all info. Am certain your daughter simply says Mother is fine, she is doing xy and z….nothing. But this little tape worms are sucking information and drawing their own conclusions. Remember that they know you VERY VERY well, better than you think and they enjoy knowing you are perhaps single, alone, reading a book or whatever…see they own you in their little mind. I would suggest your daughter disengages out of loyalty to you. Or that she if he ‘harmlessly’ asks how is your mother…that is bullshit. He is searching for intelligence about you. Just in case one rainy day he may need you as a source…tape worms are always looking for sources the feed upon.

        Liked by 2 people

    • Tela

      Thank you Debbie…..read my latest post about if the Sociopath ever goes away!!!!! Most do, then there are those who just can’t seem to move on. And if they do, they have to come back to try and suck more from you. I hope you didn’t respond to his text!!!!! 😀

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
    • Pigheaded1

      Lol santaland (bluntness I can handle, it tells me your not one of them lol )
      I had the same very conversation with my daughter, especially about loyalty, we parted for a year, she moved out & I moved to a new address. I missed my daughter so very much when we were apart. Unfortunately she was in an abusive relationship which I only found out on the grape vine, I asked her if she needed to come back home & she did. That’s when we had another conversation about not informing him that 1) she is back living with me & 2) no conversations about me.
      The only conclusion I came to was that now she is back living with me she will see for herself that I am not that person he made her believe I was and that he will go to form and slip up (as they do). allowing her to see by my example will win the day and I know she will get fed up with him one day.
      But yes at the time she broke my heart when she continued to allow him to contact her. I hang on to “things happen for a reason” and no matter what I will always be there for her, I am her only family, it has just been us two for many years now.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
      • Debbie

        Lol I just seen the name I typed in, omg that’s having him on my mind!!!

        Like

  3. Santaland

    Another excellent piece of thinking by you Tela. I sort of feel it is directed straight at me, but collectively, victim/survivors or those just about coping it is directed at all of us individually since amazingly they are all the same (male or female). This is what I probably have a hard time digesting, it seems so common yet out of touch until you encounter, get involved, give it your all with the result of a shattered heart, fucked up thinking, ups and downs, worthlessness, and finally the smear campaign. And that I find hard to deal with since one’s sense are already alert and suspicious and magnified. But they do it, and if you defend yourself should someone be one of their enablers/flying monkeys they already know your answer. Why? Because the ex has said…s/he will say X, Y and Z…predicted…thus you are doomed if you defend and doomed if you don’t since silence in a sad way is considered an admission of guilt. Wish I had the answer to this chess move. I always feel that they win no matter what. Why? Because they are not human and natural, their brains are wired differently, they simply do not get it and thus we end up cleaning up the mess they left us with. At least so it is in my case.

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