A Healing & Informative Site About Narcissistic Sociopaths

Sociopath Poison

When we are involved with a Sociopath, be it boyfriend/girlfriend, spouse or child of, we swallow their Poison on an hourly & daily basis. You cannot understand why you don’t have the relationship you did……

Poison-bottle

In the beginning the Sociopath is the most perfect person you have ever met! No one before them has come close to the Charm  & seduction. You have never had a ‘honeymoon phase’ like this before ~ swallow 1/8 teaspoon of Poison. Life is grand, you are amazed how well you click. Your over the moon happy falling in love with the Sociopath ~ swallow 14/ teaspoon of Poison. Days, weeks & months go by, & you notice changes but you choose to ignore them since you are being told ‘you’ need to change this or that, ‘you’ are not listening, ~ swallow a 1/2 teaspoon of Poison. 

You wake up one day to a person you don’t even know who they are anymore. The dynamics of the relationship have changed ~ swallow 1/4 cup of Poison. It’s as though their whole personality has been changing. You are now questioning yourself, is what the Narcissistic Sociopath saying about you true? Why are they physically abusing me? ~ swallow 1/2 cup of Poison. You say to yourself ‘tomorrow will be a better day’, tomorrow comes and it is even worse. Now you are encountering verbal & emotional abuse. ~swallow a cup full of Poison. You keep asking them ‘what is happening, why are you treating me and/or the children this way, what is going on, why do you keep disappearing? And they open their mouths with nothing but LIES. ~swallow a 1/2 bowl of Poison. 

You can’t take anymore, so you start looking into deeper what is happening, why the changes. You come across they have been CHEATING~ swallow the whole bowl of Poison. Yes, they are cheating & probably had been during the entire relationships. Sociopaths stay bored their entire lives, so after the Honeymoon phase with you wears off, they start another relationship behind your back. And trust me, the new person(s) are getting that 1/8 teaspoon of Poison just like you swallowed in the beginning. There is no amount of begging, pleading, you can do to make them stop. When you question them as to ‘why’…. their lies answers will never make sense. And they also feel you simply don’t need to know it’s none of your business. You are now being DEVALUED. ~ swallow more Poison. 

So after you have been given your 5 course meals of Poison day in and day out, you know you need to get away. If you have, you know how difficult the No Contact is. I have said it multiple times, the No Contact is the ONLY was to stop swallowing their Poison  and start cleaning up your Tsunami shattered life, broken heart, fucked up head of emotions. If you continue to believe that the Sociopath is going to magically wake up one day & be their ‘old self’ you are seriously deluding yourself. They cannot & will not change. Period. And as long as you keep hoping & praying they will change & come back to you is also deluding yourself. They carry their bottle of Poison around looking for their next victim to swallow it. The ONLY person who can fix what has happened to you, is YOU. Spit the Poison out, & if you have to have contact with the Sociopath stop opening your mouth & swallowing anymore PoisonJust like the obsessive thoughts you have about them, you are allowing them to continue to Poison your mind and only YOU can stop that. 

There are days when solitude is a heady wine that intoxicates you with freedom, others when it is a bitter tonic, and still others when it is a poison that makes you beat your head against the wall.”           sidonie gabrielle  

©SociopathLife.Com

77 Responses to “Sociopath Poison”

  1. Virgil Stafford

    I don’t even know where to begin I have been trying for years to figure out why myself and my soon to be ex wife could never make it work. I have been reading blogs, forums anything I can find for the past week to make some sense of this. What I have found in my opinion is that I have a sociopath in my life and I feel like a idiot for taking this long to figure it out.
    Now I’m going to start the process of getting rid of it. Today right this moment starts the NO CONTACT rule for me. Wish me luck I’m sure I’ll be back here for something.

    Like

    Reply
    • Tela

      Thank you Virgil for your comment. It is very hard to make sense of the senseless. Please do not feel like an ‘idiot’….you had no idea what type of person your soon to be ex-wife is. She sucked you blindly into her fucked up world and as this article said, spoon fed you her Sociopath Poison. Good luck with the No Contact, that truly is the first step in trying to make sense.

      Like

      Reply
    • madlena

      I dont things that is correct to label people as sociopats and normal .
      To me we all are the same.
      Why ??? Becouse we all have our own games and agendas like
      called expectations of relationship.

      Like

      Reply
      • Tela

        Madlena, while it is apparent you have little to zero knowledge about Sociopaths by your comment, I went ahead and approved it. Reason being? You state you ‘all have our own games and agenda like called expectations of a relationship”. A Normal Mutually loving, respectful,compassionate relationship does NOT include ‘games or agendas’..
        With that being said, I wonder, how many failed relationships have you had because of your mindset of ‘games and agendas’? Sounds just like a Sociopath.

        Like

      • Madlena Pavlova

        Hi my dear . I thought this space is open forum for discussion and free opinion on the topic. Instead I was labeled…..

        Its not about how bad it is . Cant be bad as much as you want to be but i bet you. you not gonna get veteran’s medal at the end .

        There is no such things as a free ride . We all want something out of relations and when we dont get it we become poor victim. Why – because we promise too much , we give to much , we sacrificed to much,.

        Any relationship we get into is reflection of us .To me is a game as everything in life – you played it with your Employee . your children or spouse .
        And as soon you get with the speed of it – watch whats happen .Any bad and dreadful relationship cant transform into wonderful story .

        You make this story anything else is irrelevant .

        best wish

        Like

      • Tela

        Madlena, yes, this website is an open forum for discussion and opinions, or to share a person’s individual relationship with a Narcissist/Sociopath or any ASPD person. Please read THIS. It is about myself, and what my website is about.
        I disagree, ‘we’ are not ‘all the same’. I also disagree, that life is not a ‘game’, unless one chooses it to be so. With all that being said, my website is specifically for men and women who have been involved with a Narcissist/Sociopath and for healing, answer’s, clarity, validation, and to let them know; they are not alone!

        Like

  2. Red Flags | SociopathHell.Com

    […] Think back to the very first moment you met the Sociopath. How easily you were drawn to them. In the first few days, weeks or even months, everything about them was lies , perfection. The showering you with praises, adoration, compliments on everything about you!Those were the red flags , that you were not consciously aware of. As with most narcissistic Sociopaths, they moved the relationship along very quickly. The love bombing was over the top!! I call the love bombing phase: Sociopath Poison, you can read about that here.  […]

    Like

    Reply
  3. I am Titanium

    Hi Kevin, finding the old Kevin will be one fight well worth having. I can see you emerging from the rubble, scarred but stronger and eventually much happier. We all will be right behind you – you are not alone. Look after you. Love and best wishes, D xx

    Like

    Reply
    • kevin

      Thank you Ti, It is a very hard fight that I don’t seem to be winning right now but I hope one day I will I pray one day I will

      Like

      Reply
      • I am Titanium

        Kevin, As Tela always says it takes time. Unfortunately, we on here have some understanding of how you feel and where you are at. All we can offer you is our support and the virtual hand of friendship. We will help you take the steps to the front. Just keep facing forward. Your future is one worth having. D xx

        Like

      • Tela

        Awwwww Debbi~ thank you so very much for reaching out to Kevin with your Kind & Encouraging Words. Especially while going through your own personal hell! Much ❤ & sincere appreciation for setting aside your deep hurt to reach out to another who has been horribly abused by a Female Sociopath!

        Like

      • Chris

        I’m in the shit myself, brother…..16 years and 2 beautiful kids…..then one day in 2012….about 2 weeks after our annual, beach vacation centered around July 4th, with bunches of families and kids, tradition….. At the time I described it as a tsunami, category 5 hurricane, F-5 tornado, mudslide, typhoon and earthquake all wrapped up into 1…..this after taking 100’s of pictures with 1,000 watt smiles…… The devalue and discard phase began…..I was thoroughly confused…never recognized what was happening…… We all know the rest of the story…..im on the road to recovery now and wanted to share what I believe are / were the cornerstones to my way back….first and foremost was INFORMATION, read,read, read, read…..knowledge…it helps lift the fog and shake the confusion and slowly you accept, through repetition what has happened, is happening…..it gives you a way to get the answers your narcissistic abuser wont give you…..oh, the closure? You deserve it, we all do. Your closure is “there ain’t no closure, and there ain’t ever gonna be no closure”. That’s your closure. The next cornerstone was dealing with the hurt and pain and destruction….the hurt and pain leads to anger and resentment….those two fuckers will kill you….completely blocking happiness and joy and life…..for this one, I went to the big man upstairs…ask out loud for him to lead you away from your troubles….I’m not religious by nature, kinda spiritual….put it in Gods hands.. He can make it disappear in two shakes of a lambs tail…..this is recent for me…I’ll never achieve no contact because we have to co parent, which leaves me vulnerable to see that cunt love bomb dozens of dudes (obviously not fully recovered)….I constantly drop kids off to a babysitter and pick them up for school as she’s getting dropped off by the New York Knicks team bus…..using her powers of seduction to party and vacation while ignoring any parental responsibilities…..as charming as that pig from Green Acres. …just recently I was able to not have negative emotional reaction to her EVIL ways. …a month ago and I woulda been derailed, but now I have Gods favor and it rolled off me like water rolls off a duck…..feels good not to carry the negative emotions….because she knew how to elicit them and use then against me. They’re gone….now I know I can focus on building myself back up emotionally and financially because she cant derail me with my own emotions anymore. God did that for me, because I asked him for his help. Ask him for his favor……you can get the best revenge by living well. Refuse to engage in the game….i believe the definition of a conundrum is a confusing problem and solution…perfect example is the only way to win the game is to not play. These pukes take advantage of good people because we have something to offer. Get revenge..Live well. Ask for Gods favor and help….confusion, pain, hurt, destruction, devastation, anger, resentment….. Take those tools away from that EVIL bitch and live again….her shit is weak…rock on

        Like

  4. I am Titanium

    Thanks, Tela, your explanation makes perfect sense! As always! Thank you for validating my experiences and belief that compartmentalising is significant to realising exactly what we are dealing with. D x

    Like

    Reply
  5. Kevin Mullin

    Holly, I am in the very same place as you. 2 months separated i walked away as the constant abuse was killing me off and i woke and seen that for me to survive the only way was to walk. I DID MY HEAD TOLD ME SO, Ohhh if only my heart would follow suit. I done pretty well the last 2 months managing up to 24 days at a time NC. But last night urge to tell her my feelings and how much i missed and still loved her beat me so i unblocked and emailed her my deepest thoughts and wishes for us. What i got back was not what i expected she replied don’t bother her as she is with her new partner and i should fuck off and die, My heart stopped i threw up and collapsed on the floor crying like a new born child and i took out my 9mm placed it to my head and took a breath and said i am coming home mum to see you , a very strange thing happened at that very second the picture i keep on my desk of me and my two girls 11 and 13 fell of the table so i looked over and all i could see was two wee girls in the picture looking at me i never pulled the trigger in the end. My point is i have never been driven so close to the edge in my entire life and also a timely email from Tela helped. I think i have seen over the course of the day that how can some one who claims you are the love of their life turn and be in a new relationship and in love less than a week after emailing you asking to talk about stuff including money(hovering i think ) she broke me to my very core and she nearly got her wish as she has wished me dead a million times. So its a new day i have a new outlook yes i still feel sick to my stomach at the thoughts i have but i will make every effort in the entire world to get home from Afghanistan in 28 days time to my wee ladies who i left the marriage for in the place if you look on No contact you will see my post about what has happened. God give me the serenity to accept the things i cant change courage to change the things i can and the wisdom to know the difference i feel your pain and hope you can see your not alone in this in any way shape or form Tela will guide you in the right direction she’s like a wise old owl that isn’t so old

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    • Holly

      Thank you Kevin. And I’m so glad you are still here to help folks like me!! I know the feeling of wanting to die and my two babies are the only reasons I was able to push through. It’s amazing how we can be normal, confident and strong people and then get to this point. Even my friends can’t believe I’m the same person that has always been everyone else’s strong wall to lean on. I’ve never put up with anything from anyone and now here I am groveling in self pitty and wanting back a person that could care less about me. He took my fear of not being able to breath and used it against me by choking me regularly. That is sick and I know it’s sick. So why is it our stupid brains can’t just let go of a person willing to do these kinds of things to us?
      I am so glad I found this site. It does help to know I’m not alone.
      Thanks again for reaching out. Hopefully I’ll be the one in the long road posting encouragement on here for others.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
    • A male victim in Santaland

      Kevin, you did the right thing by not doing what you impulsively wanted to do…STOP IT! That is the easy way out and yes for whatever reason that photo fell and Tela’s email arrived….BUT look at yourself, you are a man, a father, a mentor! I know it hurts when you open yourself up and get the msg, f off, am with someone else etc. But you did this to yourself by unblocking and reaching out…thus you need to say mea culpa and I will not do that again! They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, sorry not with these types, absence makes the heart grow colder. Let go, move on. What a fucking cliche….see I said something so stupid and simple and idiotic…let go and move on….This is what friends of mine said to me…inside I was torn hoping they would give me more understanding and support…but no, even friends said ‘get a grip on yourself’….and you know what…they were and are right. The problem is HOW the FUCK DO I DO THAT???? Not easy my friend.

      You have to try to gain self respect! Focus on work, focus on plans with your kids, focus on you (I hate that…how can I focus on me?)…just fucking focus on something….work/your kids, work/your kids, work/your kids…then the rest slowly will fall in place.

      Kevin you cannot force someone to love you, you cannot constantly dwell on the past…move forward, march ahead, learn from the past. Yep there are some rather fucked up people out there…sure we are all fucked up to a certain degree….but with the Socio/Narc….there is no logic, there is nothing, and by the way, the new guy, he will be you are in a few months…so beware, be alert…then she may hoover you (the proverbial vaccum cleaner)…and when you let her come back, thinking she has seen the light, what great guy you are etc…BULLSHIT, she will take you down into the abyss. Self respect and no contact will protect you…in time you will look back in disgust at their behavior (male or female).

      Kevin enough is enough….and crying will not get her back either…nor will revenge. Remember work/make plans/fun with kids…Oh yes, how about some grooming of yourself…clip those nose hairs, ear hairs, a little work out, some new clothes, a bit of an attitude and you will meet someone for you (yes it is a bit of a pain in the ass marketing yourself)….also on another note, when you do find someone new, nuture the relationship, listen, give, show compassion, generosity, understanding and flexiblility….you have been to hell so you have the scars…and always trust your gut!

      Lastly, don’t do anything foolish….that in itself is the most selfish fucked up act anyone can do….especially towards your kids….for what? Take your 9 mm and use it for what you have been tasked to do…and it certainly was not on yourself….and please count to 10 if you even think about revenge….NO FUCKING CONTACT…..why? Well if your ex were your friend and treated you this way….would that be a friend…fuck no. And a relationship should be best friends. Now am rambling….

      Like

      Reply
      • kevin

        Thank you, I t is a massive help reading and hearing from each and everyone, I will keep fighting this feeling I will look to the front not to the back and I will do everything in my power to become the kevin of old.

        Like

    • Tela

      Kevin~ I’m so glad we emailed last night, and yes, it is a new day, new beginnings and starting over day one of no contact. There is not one person on this planet who is worth taking our own lives for. In the end, not only do your innocent children loose their father {your legacy}, but the ex Sociopath would not so much as blink an eye. It’s okay that you broke the no contact. It happens. We ALL need to get the words out. I wrote a post called The Last Word please read this!! It will help you to understand more clearly where you are. And you know you can reach out to me anytime via email. Even though there is a huge time difference, please, reach out! Do not let your mind be your worst enemy again and take you to the lowest of lows. Look how far you have come. Remember the things we talked about? You actually now shopping for the clothes YOU want to wear, not being dictated to….chin up Kevin!!! ❤

      Like

      Reply
    • JJK

      Kevin: I was were you were, and after allowing her back so many times for the same round and round lies, never any progress, any learning from her mistakes, treated like the same shite, time after time, never any change, I am almost back to normal. Save your self the bollocks, if they come back, you will be swallowed up into the same madness, and will feel dark lost and confused-back to square one, again and again.
      I am back to drinking beer, eating fried chicken, telling disgusting jokes (sorry ladies), and doing what i do best-being an ass hole.

      I watched a film last night on Netflix called “they made me do it”. I felt ill because I could see the sociopath bitch i was with doing the same thing: sweet seductive, shagging everything that moves, lied, manipulate, all to get her way, then degrade and discard.

      You have two girls, they need you, I have two girls too they need me-I know, you not in there life will destroy them for ever. You are here, so get yourself some beer, a bucket of fried chicken and move on. Please please dont write back and tell me you are a vegetarian, cos then there is fuck all I can do to help you

      Like

      Reply
      • Kevin Mullin

        that made me giggle no i am not a veggie but might as well be everything else seems to be fucked so may as well add insult to injury , No seriously thanks for your words can i ask how long were you on your knees over this for before you started to feel even a bit of normality

        Like

      • Tela

        OMG JJK!!! I just love how you throw me under the bus about being a vegetarian!! LOLOLOL 😀 Your right, Kevin does need his girls & they need him. Just like your girls need you. You & Kevin’s relationship with ‘the’ Sociopath are so very similar! Thank you JJK for reaching out to him! Go get ya some fried chicken & a beer!! ❤

        Like

      • JJK

        ” love how you throw me under the bus about being a vegetarian!” er Tela, that’s called blame shifting, do we need to have a talk lol

        Like

      • JJK

        Kevin dude: “can i ask how long were you on your knees over this for before you started to feel even a bit of normality”. When I seriously cut the connection, no contact, it took two weeks to feel in control, total of 4 weeks to get back to fried chicken and good beer-feeling almost normal, and 6 weeks to were my give a fuck gauge is on E.

        Here is were you can choose whether your mind is your friend or your enemy- and dont do what i did- I let her keep coming back-buying her bullshit of; she was just raped, there was a gunfight outside my house, I will kill myself if you dont take me back, my new husband rapes me, he beat one of the kids up. If I have don it proper from the start, I could have saved myself 2 1/2 years. In six weeks you will be good..Watch that movie, ‘they made me do it”

        Are you cool?

        Like

      • kevin

        JJK wow 6 weeks to healing, that’s some going. I managed 2 months before I broke down and emailed and begged forgivness only to be told she has a new fella in her life, I have no idea why it hit me like a brick after 2 months I thought I was on the road to recovery but I just don’t know what happened to me, Today is day 3 since I creamed in and I feel about a 6 out of 10 on the pain scale much better than the 10 out of 10 the last few days and I managed about 20 mins this morning before I realised the position I am in , I have made plans to travel for a few weeks at the end of this tour early march before I go home to my girls for 4 weeks so hoping that will make me appreciate what I have and I am trying so hard to try and remember that I had a pretty decent life before I met her and would like to go back to how I was care free confident and the master of my own destiny I just hope I can recover as quickly as you did my question is were you deeply in love with this lady when you decided it was done or had your feelings eased before you left for good.

        Like

      • Tela

        Kevin, I sent you an email with JJK email address. JJK say’s ‘6 weeks to healing’, but understand, that 6 weeks of healing was actually just getting his feet on the ground from the CRAZY TRAIN he was on. Please click on that link & you will have a better understanding about what I’m talking about. Each & every person heal’s at different stages & rates. Don’t compare your ‘healing’ to other’s. Even though the similarity with all of us is, we were with a Sociopath. The depths of emotional & mental abuse varies person to person. In your case you were married to a Sociopath. In JJK case, he was not. However, that does not mean he didn’t go through 3 years of pure hell with his ex.
        It’s okay, like I told you in email that you sent the email to your ex. You needed to get the words out of your head! You needed for her to understand how you feel/felt. Was it cruel her reply? Absolutely, but very,very typical of a Sociopath. So now that she has sailed on to a new guy {only to feed him her invisible POISON} Your task is to now focus on YOU and YOU ONLY! Feel the pain, feel the heartache, feel the loss, feel the horrid things she said & did to you. Then one by one, start letting those feelings go. You can do this! I know you can ❤

        Like

    • Holly

      Kevin, I cringed when I saw 6 weeks! It’s been 3 months for me and I feel like he just left today. I still cry every single day. I’m the one that made him leave but immediately after wanted him back. It feels like pure torture. I didn’t even realize what he was until I went to a doctor and described our life. I talked to his girlfriend before me and it was the same thing. My doctor told me he was a sociopath and I looked it up and almost fell out because I was reading stories that mirrored my exact life!
      I know I’ve said all this already. But anyways, he still has not tried contacting me. Part of me knows that it is best because he is dangerous but the part of me that loves him feels like I’m in hell because he doesn’t contact me. I thought that by 3 months I’d feel better but I don’t. I’m starting to think something is wrong with me because I can’t just move on.

      Like

      Reply
      • Kevin Mullin

        Holy i walked out managed 2 months without a blink really and then last week boom it hit me how much i missed and wanted her back to the point of my post, i had a shitty 2 days i am on day 3 now yes i miss her yes i love her but yes i will get over this and i will rise from where i am now and if she ever crosses my path there will only be one person with regret when and if she ever does finally see how strong and over her i have become, i am not aiming to be out of love in 6 weeks i am aiming to be able to go about my day and accept my new life as it is and not feel like breaking down every 2 seconds what is helping me is i go back to why i left and focus on that for hours and i am doing ok with that you left for a reason please don’t ever forget what that reason was x

        Like

      • Tela

        Holly~ it’s okay that even 3 months later you still cry, you still miss him etc. And I think another reason it is so difficult for you as you said he has not contacted you, so really have no closure it’s as if you simply didn’t matter to him. And the brutally honest truth is…….you didn’t. You were just giving him what he needed for the time you were together. Like Kevin said, focus on the reason(s) why you made him leave. IF the relationship with with a ‘normal’ person {i hate using the term normal}, but if the relationship was with someone who was not a Sociopath you would be able to make more progress. But because he stripped you of everything good inside you are feeling hollow & empty. There are no magic words I can say to help you. Just know, there are so many of us that support you, understand you & pray that one day you can wake up with no tears & start living life for you again. Yes, there will always be days in the future where you think of him, or think ‘why didn’t i matter’…and you will never get those answers. So the questions now need to be ‘what can i do to start moving past this hell? What can i focus on today that will be healthy for me”? etc.

        Like

  6. I am Titanium

    Hi Holly, I can hear your pain, I really can. Could you consider how you have described the BAD times and imagine what you would say to and do for a friend/relative/your younger self or even a complete stranger? I am sure you would gently encourage the person to be strong, pick themselves and their heart up (it is definitely in your own hands, I promise) and walk away from someone who chokes and slaps them and thinks it is ok to punish and ignore others. This behaviour is not acceptable, ever, and it can only get worse the longer it is permitted. It may take time for there to be someone else. That is probably a good thing. It happens when you value you as much as you value others. I was completely and utterly broken by the sociopath in my life. But after a long and ongoing process of putting myself back together I will no longer accept bad attitude/behaviour from anyone. And yes, I have found someone new, who every day proves that we can tell everything we need to know about a person, from their words and actions. Mine are always congruent and my simple rule to live by now is that I only spend time and share my heart with those who deserve it; the ones whose words and actions add up and do not choose to cause harm. He may come back, he may not. I broke my toxic situation by filing for divorce. It was a choice between divorce or die. He continued to harm me. It is what they do unless/until you say no more and walk away. Take care of you and the rest will follow. D xx

    Like

    Reply
  7. I am Titanium

    Hi Tela, thank you for your kind words to me, it means a lot. I hope you don’t mind me asking but there is something about my N/S/P that I think may be a telling trait. A good friend of mine has been through a very similar long marriage/long divorce with a man who very scarily could be same man/different name & face, he too has this trait very strongly. I would be interested to hear your thoughts on this. Should I post on here or can I email you? Thanks, D

    Like

    Reply
      • I am Titanium

        Hi Tela, thanks, here are my thoughts on which I would be very interested to hear your views. For me, there is something about compartmentalisation that seems to be important in helping to define the sociopathic types. It is not in the official criteria but in my experience it is relevant. Male in Santaland made a reference to ‘her compartmentalised head’ in his ‘no longer about you’ letter/post. Over the years one of the many, frequent criticisms of me was my inability to “compartmentalise” things (perhaps when he said he could compartmentalise he was referring to his use of cold, calculating logic, devoid of empathy). This was one of his nicer complaints! And of course, I agreed with him; if only I could compartmentalise things, people, jobs etc, like he could then I would be a better, more deserving wife and less anxious/depressed etc. Hmm! Now I know better…he had us all compartmentalised; Me, the kids, our home, all neatly separated off from Mr Perfect’s other realities (parallel lives – other women (and maybe, men), fraudulent activities etc). I will never know the full truth but I have learned to see my truth in his blaming, projections, smoke & mirrors, and outrageous 180 degree lies, even in the court process. I now know that his anger and the few seconds delay if I accidentally awoke him in our bed were clear signs that he was having to work out exactly which bed he was in! Sick. To think I nearly killed myself over him. No one is ever worth that. Ever. It was what he wanted and I crawled away. At the crucial point I realised I would be playing into his smear campaign…it would be his ideal storyline…see, I told you she was a nutter!’ I also had to stay for my children to keep them from only having him as a parent. I am still not very good at compartmentalising, I don’t need to be, I am busy being me. But I am learning to put him and that part of my past in a box labelled Evil. Maybe I can compartmentalise, after all, when I really need to. D x

        Like

      • Tela

        Debbi~ each person has their own ‘coping mechanisms’, compartmentalization and so on that works for them. Psychology defines compartmentalization as a defense mechanism, or a coping strategy, which doesn’t impart a very good connotation. Put simply, it’s how our minds deal with conflicting internal standpoints simultaneously. Some examples would be: a doctor who is religious, but has to separate her belief system from her practice at a women’s health clinic; a man who leaves his office at 6pm, and refuses to think about work for the rest of the evening, so he can enjoy his time with his family or, at its extreme, soldiers who need to file away the trauma of horrific events in their minds, so they can continue operating in battle. A Sociopath uses the ‘compartmentalization’ to keep all their lies/secrets/ true identity neatly & tidily hidden. Without their ability to operate like that, within 3 minutes a person would realize there is something truly wrong or off about them.

        Like

  8. Holly

    It’s been three months since my break up. I made him leave but then caved and like a fool begged him back. He of course brushed me off and is not about to have anything to do with me. He was the typical sociopath. It’s amazing how when you read other stories it’s like they are about your own life! I’m stuck with the obsession of missing him and wanting him back even though he physically and emotionally abused me. I would have thought after three months I’d be better but still cry every day and miss him. The sane part of me knows it’s ridiculous and that it’s stupid to want an abusive, heartless person back to finish me off, but the emotinoally damaged part of me can’t let go. I doubt he will ever try to come back because I damaged his ego by making him leave and he is very prideful and all about punishment. he even punishes his own family when they make him mad and wont see them for many months! I just wish I could convince my heart to stop wanting him!! It makes me mad at myself because this is not like me at all! I usually don’t put up with anything out of a man but here I have been letting one choke, slap, push, etc and then still want him!!!??

    Like

    Reply
    • Tela

      Holly~ What you are going through is very, very normal!!!! Yes, the ‘sane’ part of you does not understand why you miss him and/or want him back. It’s the roller coaster of emotions that are so difficult to deal with as they hit all at once. Please don’t be mad at yourself, which again, is what everyone goes through after the Sociopath is gone. This is when the reality of the person you had been with hits. You are now trying to make sense of the ‘why’s, how come’ etc. And what you are also experiencing is what is called Trauma Bonding, you can read about that HERE Just know you are not alone! Yes, when you read my post or other’s comments you feel like your reading about your own life. I’ve always said the only difference in Sociopaths are their names & faces. They all have 1 agenda, search & destroy other humans as they have terminal adolescence without conscience.

      Like

      Reply
      • I am Titanium

        Hi Holly, I just wanted to reach out to you and give you a hug. You may not feel it but you are doing well and you are now free to be you. Over time things will get better for you. Each day try to be kind to your self and take pride in the fact that you valued yourself enough to see the truth. (I was so blind for way too long.) That doesn’t make it easy but you are on a good path now. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other. Sometimes this is easier said than done. It is who he is and he will not change. You have the capacity for love and compassion, please expend this on yourself from now on. Someone called Kate reached out to me on here and quoted Maya Angelou ‘when you know better, do better’. Take care and keep reading and also posting if it helps. Finding Tela’s site has been a Godsend for me and many others. X

        Like

      • Tela

        Debbi~ Thank you so much for you kind, insightful & encouraging words to Holly. You know excatly where she is at. You also know the long road you have been on & how far you have come, day by day. So proud of you! Love & Hugs ❤

        Like

      • Holly

        Hi, Thanks so much for the kind words. And thanks Titanium for reaching out to me!
        I just figured after 3 months I’d be ok and ready to move on and not give him a second though. I still cry every day and find myself hoping each day is the day he will call or text. I’ve saw where everyone’s sociopath comes back, but i really don’t think mine will. He’s very arrogant and it’s important to him not to crawl back to anyone even a family member. Has anyone else had one that you really swore would never come back and he did?
        I wish so badly that I had the desire to want another man. I loved his family, I loved the fun things we did together. I’m missing my life even though a lot of it was BAD. I wish i could just be angry, but all I can think about is the good. Even when I think about the bad and it was BAD, I still want the fool!
        I just feel like I’ll never get my heart back from him.

        Like

      • Tela

        Holly, not ‘everyone’s Sociopath comes back’. Please don’t believe that. And the one’s that do, can tell you the relationship is even worsethe next time around. The Sociopath knows your weakness, knows just which buttons to push, silently feeds you the invisible Sociopath Poison. You want him ‘back’ because you need that ‘fix’. Your happiness was totally dependent on how he was treating you. You want to feel like you did in the beginning. Please, stop telling yourself he will change & come back a different person! He won’t. Period. Wishing for desire for another man is also fooling yourself. The first thing you need to do, is get your heart back as you said, and only YOU can do that. It no longer should belong to the ex. And read! Read through my post, you will be able to relate to exactly where you are right now. Give time……time!!

        Like

  9. edwinasepisodes

    I was married to a sociopath for 10 years. You have got it spot on, and yes, once you manage too escape, there must be no contact. They will worm their way back in otherwise. Thanks so much for sharing this.

    Like

    Reply
    • Tela

      Thank you EdwinasEpisodes for your comment. You are correct, they somehow always seem to find a way to worm their way back into your life. You must be stronger and have <strong>Boundaries in place so as not to be sucked back into crazy!!! ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
    • I am Titanium

      Hi Tela, thank you for all your recent posts, they all resonated with me, particularly ‘charm and harm’ and the latest one on sociopath poison. After 4 years I have finally managed to go fully no contact. It is especially difficult with children involved but I think it is a learning process we just have to go through. Charmed and harmed is a simple and perfect way of explaining to myself exactly what began for me in 1992. I have walked away from the family (in)justice system and trying to make him accountable. It is time to forgive me, I was charmed and harmed, lesson learned. Onto the poison you have written about. I was gulping the stuff for years and didn’t know. Of course, he was perfect! It was my job to keep him and keep him happy. Now I am free and in no contact, the merest whiff of something relating to him literally feels like a toxic substance has entered my veins. I still struggle some days and the destruction wreaked on me and my children is sometimes too unbearable to think about, but I’m still here, I do my best with what I’ve got and, boy, does freedom taste good!! Thanks for your posts and love to you and all who have been charmed and harmed but are in whatever ways we can are finding a way back to themselves. x

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
      • Tela

        Thank you I am Titanium. It’s good to see a comment from you! And you have made such great progress in healing your inner self from so many years of abuse. I like how you said you ‘gulped’ the Poison for years. That is what we do, because silently they are feeding it to us. Then once the Poison is gone do we actually realize how much damage they caused in our lives. The Sociopath lives to hand out Poison, as the more they break someone, the more it re-fuels their supply. We just have to close our mouths and walk away and detox. As hard as that is for most to do, it is the only way to survive the rest of our lives. ❤

        Like

  10. 18mitzvot

    I’m glad you were direct and wrote “they cannot and will not change”. Even when I hoped the narcissist could chose to love me again, the poisonous truth was that he didn’t want to change. He liked being evil and seducing women and I was just blocking his path.

    Like

    Reply
  11. karenthom2014

    Hi Tela, the poisoning is so true, it’s exactly what happened to me for 7 years until I found out about his other relationships. For three years with the disappearing act I suffered and swallowed the poison of lies, ie she won’t let me go, she is crazy, I don’t love her I love you and so on. That little voice inside of me said run, but it was to late I had to swallow more and more poison before I started the no contact! Now that was a surreal moment in my life, saying NO. It was like slow motion. He quickly garbed his stuff I packed up for him and said alright!, I was shucked no begging yet, no emotions just took off. The texted was relentless. I ignored everything, even when he said he was watching my mum do shopping, I ignored it all it was hard but I kept reading and learning about what I had been through. I’m still staying away as I’m better off without the dramas etc. I do feel better now. When ever I go near his area I do feel sick, conned and devalued and even duped, I still do ask when is this going to end, even I’m getting bored of thinking about it, but after all it’s been 10 years of hell. I do t even feel sorry for the next victim, I only feel relieved for saving my body and soul when I did, it was the right thing to do. I sometimes think that if I did not do the no contact what the hell would have happened to me. Wow.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    • Tela

      Thank you Karen for your comments & sharing. Yes! You swallowed a LOT of Poison over those 10 years. I know the No Contact was so hard to put in place & stick with it…….but like you said, you HAD to or you would still be swallowing cups of bullshit Poison. It was good to read ‘even I’m getting bored thinking about it all”. What a great place to be emotionally. I hope my other reader’s see this & know eventually you do get bored, and life does move on, Poison free!! ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
      • I am Titanium

        ‘Bored of it all’ is a brilliant description of where I have got to! It is a wonderful place to be. It took years of testing my amazing and true friends with my horror stories but now I have even started using his real name (he is still Dick Bastardly in my mobile tho, I like that one too much and it proves we keep an essence of who we truly are and our sense of humour even when we are in the darkest place) and if he crops up in conversation I now can’t wait to change the subject as he is simply not relevant to my life. As Mary j Blige sang, ‘no more drama in my life’! I am loving my new, normal and beautifully boring life!! X

        Like

    • Tela

      Thank you Undyingardor for your comment. <strong>NO CONTACT is difficult, at best for every single person poisoned by a Sociopath. Period. The different levels of ‘trauma’ are different for each & every person. However, it is ‘trauma’ ABUSE and when we swallow the poison over & over, then go without it, that’s what makes the No Contact difficult. It’s like you need that ‘fix’ of poison. Don’t do it. Endure the horrific, horrible ‘withdrawals’ your mind/body & spirit will be much better off in the long run ❤

      Liked by 2 people

      Reply
  12. Sophie

    “…you simply don’t need to know it’s none of your business.” ” Don’t meddle in my life.” That is what he told me before I ended it. Seven years I gave him and in the end I was nothing to him. It’s been two weeks with no contact. I still have obsessive thoughts… I’ll think of this:
    “Just like the obsessive thoughts you have about them, you are allowing them to continue to Poison your mind and only YOU can stop that.” Thank you for your posts, Tela. They are helping me cope with a very difficult time for me.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    • A Male Victim in Santaland

      Sophie, I do not want to ‘hijack’ input and feedback from others and Tela. She has a great blog! That said, as a male victim…still trying to understand fully…you have my empathy, because I got that all the time.

      Please remember, these people are mentally on a different level, a level we cannot understand (nor do they actually, no compass) but what I have learned is that they lie to you and to themselves (delusional) and blame and twist, and attack and end up not making sense so we back off. Ask yourself, how many times have you simply avoided something simply to keep the peace, just to evade the barage of accusations, the rage etc…is this normal I ask. Sure we pick our battles…but when you are dealing always with multiple players.

      In my case it was always 3…the ex, me, the future…and that ‘future’ was already in the picture listening to how terrible I was, whilst I listened to how terrible the ex was. In fact the picture painted of her ex disgusted me….initially…but now I saw she was manipulating him, me and the future. So now she is with the future, I maintain strict NC and ignore her existence….thus am sure that bugs her a bit, but am sure her ex is in the picture…thus it is now about her ex (before me), her future (which is now) and naturally somebody else standing in line.

      Read the book, Art of Seduction by Robert Greene…he nails it, he describes perfectly how they operate. Be strong, read this blog…reacquire your self respect and dignity. We all have ups and downs in healthy relationships…but with these types male/female sorry, it just is not normal…it is toxic, a game, an illusion and total bullshit that will bring down anyone, no matter how strong we are…POISON….NC and ignore or you will be back at stage one. I read it takes 6-7 break ups to finally rid yourself of them…but we still obsess, the why’s, who are they with, have they changed, what if they were right about me, how could they etc etc etc. Be strong. I regret not throwing her out after the first break up permanetly…and that was 11 months ago. FYI, she got engaged to Mr. Perfect 3 months after I ended things….note the number 3.

      Like

      Reply
      • Tela

        How pathetic she moved on to “Mr. Perfect” within 3 months. However, like you said with them it is always, always the ‘ex, current & future’. Hence my comment in this post about a Sociopath being bored their entire lives. Therefore always on the look-out for the future…just pitiful

        Liked by 1 person

      • Sophie

        Thank you. It has been so difficult. I tried three times before to walk away and he secuded me back even though I knew he was with two other women – there were three of us at once and I just found out about it a few months ago. He has been with one woman for 15 years and me and another for 7 years. There are probably others. I don’t know how he did it… or why, but he did and is still doing it with the other two and now they know about each other and they are staying with him… he’s made them believe they are the the one, he even told me the same thing that it didn’t matter, that he adored me, that he was sorry and was not going to lie anymore, etc… One of the women even wanted to be my friend and get together. It all hurts like hell! I’m just trying to stay as strong as I can and not be totally poisoned. Having found others that this has happend to is helping me. Thank you again.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Tela

        Thank you Sophie. And your positive outlook, and realizing how he triangulated you {and the other’s} has to bring just a tiny bit of peace. KNOWING in your heart of hearts you can & could do nothing to stop his lifestyle. His lies, his manipulation. Just like I commented above, when we swallow the Poison of a Sociopath over and over, then start day one of No Contact, it’s like withdrawals from a drug. The Sociopaths poisonous drug. You ARE strong! You can do this!!! Keep reaching out, please know, just by reading the other’s comment’s you are not alone in this HELL OF PAIN. It will get better, slowly, but it will! ❤

        Liked by 1 person

      • Persia Karema

        I’m sorry this happened to you. But like clockwork – just like in your case, after I left my abusive husband with our then 12 week old baby, he too, got engaged 3 months later.
        The was only a 9 month gap on his Facebook page, where by I was the ‘Love of his Life’ to when his new girlfriend was the ‘Love of his life’.
        He was 25 years old, and I didn’t find out until later, that at this age, he was on his 6th engagement. She was 22 and on her 3rd…

        Liked by 1 person

      • Tela

        Thank you Persia for your comment. I’m going to link to your blog so that my reader’s can also see the struggles you have gone through just to try and get ONE PENNY of child support. So even though ‘you’ were the Love of His Life in a longggggg list of “Loves”, you have had to overcome the financial apsect of receiving ZERO support for you child.

        Liked by 2 people

      • Persia Karema

        Many thanks Tela. Please feel free to do so. (Search “Court Date”). I hope it will help encourage others to know they can make it. A tough road, but they will overcome.
        I am more than ‘happy’ (so to speak), to tell of what happened me, if it means at least one person can avoid the long, torturous road I’ve been along.
        As always, Love & hugs. xx

        Liked by 1 person

      • njncguy

        Insightful comments … and you’ve clearly been there. What you say so much reminds of my ex. Here’s a snippet:

        My wife and I seemed to not be being getting along well after 10 years of marriage and two small children. When I tried to talk about it she said the only problem was “my” problem. She told me how I was too sensitive and had unrealistic expectations about married life at this stage in life. … Unfortunately, I let myself get talked into believing this B.S. I got filled with sef-doubts.

        The reality was she was going through a series of affairs and just wanted to find a way to Avoid having an honest conversation (even if it meant tearing me down a bit). No conscience. No empathy. Didn’t care about the other marriages she blew up. For her, as she even told our marriage counselor, she was a superior person who was above society’s rules.

        Even years later I still feel traumatized by this experience with a psychopath.

        Like

      • Tela

        Hi David, good to hear from you. What you describe your wife doing is the typical Sociopath Blame Shifting and the “ALL YOU”. When you hear those words day in and day out, you do start believing them {swallowing Poison}. Therefore the self-doubt set in for you, and all victims of Sociopaths.
        As far as her affairs, again, you know, you have educated yourself & this is very typical. They are in constant forward motion {remember terminal adolescence}. They get bored easily & quickly with whomever they are with. So between the HEAD FUCKERY & the affairs, then for her to have no conscience, no empathy & NO accountability it is very difficult to survive the aftermath of these Sociopaths. You have come along way! Keep those positive thoughts, keep enjoying your new life!! ❤

        Liked by 1 person

    • Tela

      Great job on the No Contact Sophie!!! I know this has been brutally difficult on you! Please continue to reach out to me via email. Please read my post & other’s comments as they are & have been right where you are!! Yes! It’s a struggle each day just to get through it. And then…..night time, the worst part. Keep positive thoughts of yourself, and how much progress in 14 days you have made not swallowing anymore poison!!!! ❤ ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
  13. A Male Victim in Santaland

    …and when you look back, your head out of the fog (or poison) you realize that it was just that…a plate full of poison disguised as grilled lobster with fresh herbs….

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    • Tela

      Thank you Gale for the re-blog ❤ And yes, the Sociopath feeds on you like a vampire sucking everything out of you all the while Poisoning your mind & heart.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

Your Thoughts:

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Basic HTML is allowed. Your email address will not be published.

Subscribe to this comment feed via RSS

%d bloggers like this: