A Healing & Informative Site About Narcissistic Sociopaths

It’s No Longer About You!!

Once we are no longer involved with a Sociopath there is always residual effects that are lifelong. The residual effects include mental & emotional abuse which in turn can cause you to feel shattered, no longer worthy, even so far as developing PTSD. You will have good day’s, and then feel like you have made no progress. It’s all apart of having to re-program our thoughts. It’s about having to learn that we do in fact have control over ourselves. And we DO MATTER & have value.  We all want to understand the how’s, why’s, what did I do etc.  And most everyone wants to have the last word. You can read about that here.  

I have said many, many, many times, the first and most important step to healing is NO CONTACT. Period. You will not and cannot make any progress until you put in place and stick to the no contact. You can read about that HERE.  

I have encourage people to write a letter or email but do not send it. It helps to get all your feelings out where YOU can read them. The below letter was written by A Male Victim In SantaLand. He did not and will not send this letter to his ex. I believe most all of you who read this, will be able to relate to what he expresses to her.

I know you, have known for some time and this is how it is

You claim it is my fault for choosing not to understand you. It is my fault for saying or thinking what I think when you simply run around like an empty person with really nothing of value to give. I said many times, “you bring very little to the table”.  You display limited knowledge about the world, limited knowledge about compassion, honesty and empathy. Limited knowledge about anything…you have no compass and so you run around creating misery…that you do bring to the table, misery, lies and confusion.

The problem is that I do understand you!

The varying Cluster B personalities that you have (BPD/NPD/HPD/AsPD coupled with superficial feelings = sociopath) are very obvious. Your need for attention, your need to lie (it is easier for you to lie than tell the truth), when your mouth moves anytime…it is lies, and more lies, blabbing away. You spread rumors, lies and more…but this will all come back one ugly day. In sickness and in health, you will feel the seeds you have planted. All those broken souls will always be there looking at you and doing nothing as you cry for help.

You pin the blame on people for failing to empathize with you. And you lie because you are a coward and hypocrite.

As a hypocrite you spend your life betraying, cheating, conning, and deceiving which will all come back on you. That said, despite this disgusting pattern of behavior that you have, you still feel entitled to point out (or invent) the most minor human relationship mistakes in me, and you did point them out repeatedly, totally ignoring your nasty own horrible actions and words. You know what I am talking about…just pull that memory card out of your compartmentalized system in that head of yours..

Let’s put an end to your lies, your cheating (mental or physical) and betrayals right now so you can understand for a nano second what and who you are. I tried to empathize with you. I tried to love, accept, and embrace your infinite darkness and deceitfulness, a game filled with hate and envy is what you are. I fell into your dark hole of a trap, after you mirrored my and others personalities and convinced me and others had found you to be our soul mates, love of our lives etc.

Interestingly you read from a memorized script, which gets boring after a while. One day we the victims of your nastiness will hopefully get together…not to compare notes, because they will be a carbon copy. I hurt tremendously as you devalued my identity, and begged when you triangulated (a game with your ex which you continued during our time) me with others. And with you, the control you want over your past, current and future victims is always there (and always 3, note 3 because your head is so high in the clouds…or up your ass). You are never happy like a normal person can be, and never will be either.

No you are not special please do not delude yourself that you are. You are not, you purchased items to attract (breasts, lips and whatever else)….not sure what your goal was. You follow the most superficial people and the result being the same…just sitting there in misery and anger. Rage and your mental and physical attacks is a way to get off a subject. Disgusting behavior, you gain nothing, you win nothing, you still remain in your misery and fake lies to yourself.

Look deep in the mirror, what do you see, not very pretty when your eyes are too close together, your forehead is oversized and your again your eyes are empty all the way to your soul. Did you know that sharks have the same eyes…no? Well they do. Empty, lonely and angry is what you really see in that mirror. Then become a victim. Surround yourself with people who pity you, but actually hate you but are intrigued, so they do your dirty work, also known as your ‘flying monkeys’.

All the while, you stood there pointing, ridiculing, judging, manipulating, laughing, and head fucking with my emotions with that disgusting smirk on your face when you could see what you were doing was hurting mentally and even physically.

And now you have the ‘balls’ to cry victim? You demand understanding and empathy? Friendship perhaps? Do friends treat friends like you do? It is a mask that I see threw. It is a mask that you renew each time…gosh that must be lonely behind that mask. The monster in you shows up when the mask slips, so tiring it must be for you being a B actress all the time. Never honest always lazy, rude, selfish, entitled, empty, vicious, dirty (mentally and physically)…basically a hump and dump woman. Nothing to build anything of value on, no real future, no plans…nothing, just babble.

I do not care or wish to hear any of your excuses if you were born this way or if you are a product of a fucked up family…which is highly likely. You destroy hearts and lives and think it is a game of catch! That is what you do now, and you will never change, no matter whom you are with. You blame your mother, father, society and then follow a typical pattern…yes and this is how it goes, idealize, devalue and discard.

It is not my responsibility to feel bad about this anymore. You fooled me into loving a fake persona, yep you, and then laughed in my face when you moved on. But I abandoned you and us a long time ago…shame on me for not throwing you out earlier.

I am free from drama and basically trailer park trash behavior that you constantly exert from your poisonous mouth. It sounds like I am bitter…no am not. I am angry that I wasted my time with and on you. I am sad that I let you get away with so much bullshit. And I feel sorry for anyone who has a relationship with you because you will never change/grow or develop. One day you may meet your match, and that match might not be a tolerant and understanding and forgiving type….what card will you play then when that devil wakes up? Victim? Remember the story about the little boy who cried wolf….in this case the little girl, you!

You are not special or gifted, no not an indigo girl either as you so often said and believe, it is all dreams and pure stupidity that you understand, I would hate to be you because I see thru you as do many others…you underestimate people and you are a coward, even to yourself…yes you will suffer in your own way… and now I want absolutely nothing to do with you because I find your mind, actions and modus operandi to be sick…you are sick and anything you touch and say becomes contaminated. And then you have the balls to say Happy New Year to me…Fuck You! I do not forgive you and nor will I forget you for whom and what you are…sorry for being so brutal, just falling in and out of sincerity at will, just like you. The curtain has come down and there are no applauds.  

So it’s not longer about The Sociopath. Now it is about YOU and your healing!


13 Responses to “It’s No Longer About You!!”

  1. secretangel

    You are so right about “No Contact!” That is the only way to move on and away from the destructive behaviors of these people. I love what you said and agree with you… drama-free is the way to be.


  2. A male victim in santaland

    Yes indeed, a tragedy waiting to happen! Well said. For me it is also the zero accountability, the continuous movement of destructive land mines and blame. Manipulation, abuse and lies! Never an honest answer and the proverbial 3 year old playing in a sandbox. There is very little difference if they are male or female…same script! Except societies perception sometimes….man abuses woman = bad, woman abuses man = he Probably deserved it.


    • dodi2014

      You are absolutely correct! These types do not know how y to care or love anyone without bringing suffering upon them! Everything that they touch goes to hell! My mother was similar to the woman that you have described. It’s all about them! Here’s an example! She would ask a babysitter to watch me and my brother for a couple of hours – then not return for weeks! Finally, she was turned into to CPS by a relative. Instead of being remorseful and apologetic for her behavior, she became angry at the family member for turning her in to the authorities! WTH!!! It amazes me that this type of woman is concerned about her looks and her image, but not what matters most! I have witnessed her tell a man that she loves him, had a break down over another, but she never told her children that she loves them! They do not know how to love! It sucks to have one of these people as a parent! Thank God for grandparents – we would have been lost were it not for them.


      • Tela

        Dodi~ it’s so heartbreaking to read your comment. To be subjected to a Sociopath mother is so tragic. All the unconditional love you missed out on. All the understanding, caring, compassion that a mother has for her children, you missed. You ‘appear’ to be a strong individual, and I can’t thank you enough for sharing, from a child’s perspective what is was & is like to have a Sociopath Mother! ~hugs~ to you ❤


    • I am Titanium

      Male in Santaland, thank you for sharing this. I could relate to your story. I have so many questions that will never be answered. I recently realised that my desire to ask the questions is fading. Who really cares whether he was living his parallel life for 20 minutes or all 20 years we were married? He doesn’t care and whilst it is heartbreakingly sad and unfair, increasingly, neither do I. It doesn’t really matter. I can’t change it or him but I can change me. I love that you wrote, ‘it is not my responsibility to feel bad about this anymore’. A wonderful way of wording the lessons we have learned and the moving on process. X


  3. dodi2014

    This letter is so brilliantly heartfelt! Thank you so much for writing this unsent letter because it greatly benefits those of us who are still hurting, and will never receive closure! It doesn’t matter whether a person is born into, married into, dating, or related to a disordered person – either way, these people are a tragedy looking for a place to happen! They use their salesman like influence to suck the love and life out of every situation, every innocent, and every true believer that they encounter. Their punishment is this: No matter where they end up in life, or who they choose to surround themselves with, or how many perfect love lives they attempt to manufacture; it’s all bullshit because they will ALWAYS be alone and lonely in EVERY SITUATION! Beneath their smiles is loneliness, dis-ease, and envy! So, to those of us who suffer from the residual angst of encounters from these imposters – at least we are not them!!! U- cry, U- laugh, U- love, U- share, U- empathize, U-R- honest. ……You are human! Rejoice:)


  4. Justin

    I read this twice. I can relate to pretty much everything that was said in that letter. & wish i could have told the ex-sociopath those words. but would it have mattered? no, because i didn’t matter….just 1 in a long line of left behinds.


    • A male victim in Santaland

      Exactly!!! Justin you know how it is, they will not change, grow or even develop…putting this in writing (never to be sent to her) is just another way of not punching the wall for tolerating the chaos and mental/physical abuse coupled with entitlement. YES, I hace also looked at myself and asked WTF are you doing with this type of Party Girl…but I was love bombed like never before in my life..at first it was yeah right, but then it becomes overwhelming and we (or at least I) fall into the abyss of their games crawling to try to get back to what is was during idealization. As Tela described…they charm and then harm.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Tela

        Thank you Male Victim for you follow up to your letter never to be sent. It’s a cleansing in a sense to get the words/train wreck of emotions/ anger etc. out! And when you can read your own thoughts on paper it helps to bring clarity to where you were & how far you have come. Sure, there have & will be set-back days. But that is to be expected as you are having to accept that the woman YOU LOVED truly didn’t exist {mentally/emotionally}, only in the physical sense. And even then so many Sociopaths are plastic in the physical sense. And yes Charm and Harm!


    • Tela

      Thank you Justin for your comment. And what a great way to explain “Just 1 in a long line of left behinds”. Sad thing is, a Sociopath does not even realize what all they left behind. Broken, shattered people. Destroyed families etc.


    • A Male Victim in Santaland

      Yes again, upon careful reflection…i think i know the problems…A. it is an article, and not a letter to a normal human B you Justin had to read it twice…they (the ex) would interpret this to be the Old Testament coupled with the New Testament…with all due respect. Hence, too deep, too difficult and too much for them to absorb. Useless words since they are like teflon and an egg…..conesequently, to no avail…what is the use, except for me/us to express to our support. Can you imagine them reading past the first line….doubt it. But we forge ahead…..


  5. anyonehaveaflashlight

    I had tried that in the past to have the last word and it did not work. The best thing I ever did was just to fade out of the narcissist’s picture. I do not reply to anything or communicate in any way. I can feel how much stronger I am now that I have been in no contact for 8 months. As time goes on it gets better and better. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people


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