A Healing & Informative Site About Narcissistic Sociopaths

Why……

The biggest question that you have when dealing with a Narcissistic Sociopath, or after the relationship ends is “WHY”.

Why did the say they love me and then leave…….why do they say they want me, yet carry on other affairs…..why do they use the kids as pawns …… why does my current spouse’s ex/partner cause so much trouble for us….why didn’t i see the red flags….why was i so forgiving…..why can they just sail on without realizing what they have done to me…why was my love and understanding not enough….why is this so hard letting go of them….why do i want to contact them…..why do i want their karma to kick them in the ass and crash their world…why do they say so many lies and assassinate my character to other people…why are they such an evil person…why do they not have a conscience…….why do they act as if they did nothing wrong……why did they project onto me all their faults….why did they twist what i said around…..why do they make me feel like i’m the crazy one…..? WHY, WHY, WHY!!! And this list can go on until you run out of ‘why’s’. There is not a one or two word answer to any of these ‘why’s’. What there is however, is understanding. First and foremost, do NOT take on any of the ‘why’s’, as if YOU are at fault. 

To be able to understand the Why’s, you need to take a good long look at the track record of the Sociopath {prior to you}. What character traits were already deeply ingrained in them? You need to really look and see what positive the Sociopath brought to the relationship. And I’m not talking about the ‘GOOD TIMES’, those were short lived and inconsistent. If you take a really good look at them, emotionally disconnecting yourself for a moment, you will start getting answers to the ‘why’s.’ Sociopaths are in a constant state of forward motion, needing instant gratification. And they have a deep seated anger. One prevalent sinful response is to hold onto anger until it becomes part of their character. It takes up residence in the innermost being and starts to twist thinking and agitate emotions. Peace and joy are noticeably absent because they cannot coexist with the anxiety and frustration that accompany bitterness. After poisoning the character, an angry spirit spills over into other relationships. Hurtful words are thrown like flaming arrows, even at those who aren’t the cause of the rage! 

Narcissistic Sociopaths cannot form deep meaningful, truthful, honest loving relationships with anyone! Including their children. Just like I said Peace and Joy are noticeably absent because they cannot coexist with crazy spinning thoughts in their heads. Their anger is so deep rooted within their soul they are not even aware of it. Having this sustained anger and unresolved bitterness is what drives their personalities. Therefore they have bizarre behaviour, unacceptable actions, easily spill the lies out of their mouths, and manipulate truths into complete and utter falseness {about anyone and anything} Most Sociopaths are and always will be someone’s ‘victim’. They change from abuser to victim in a flash. Again, they do not have the normal though process to accept any negative, criticism, faults etc, because those thoughts cannot coexist with thoughts of acceptance, kindness, compassion. So if you start to understand the lack of coexisting good thoughts, kindness, compassion, REAL LOVE to their lies, manipulation, anger, no conscious, ‘victim’, being above reproach, lacking accountability etc.  The answer’s to your “why’s’ will really start to come to you.!

“If you know the why, you can live any how.” friedrich nietzsche

“Love is made up of three unconditional properties in equal measure:
1. Acceptance
2. Understanding
3. Appreciation
Remove any one of the three and the triangle falls apart.
Which, by the way, is something highly inadvisable.

Think about it —do you really want to live in a world of only two dimensions? vera nazarian

©SociopathLife.Com

16 Responses to “Why……”

  1. RTH

    I can’t begin to thank you enough for this blog. I have been in a tumultuous situation for almost a decade, hoping and praying the individual would change. Your exposure of the enemy has caused me to reassess the situation, the light of and reality being a source of strength and deliverance.

    I’m making the effort now to exit this toxic “relationship”. With God’s help I know all things are possible.

    Thanks again.

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    • Tela

      Thank you RTH for your comment. YES! With God’s help, & your willingness to understand the person you are with will never,ever change. You cannot fix them, you cannot stop the toxicity. I can only imagine the past decade as you describe as ‘tumultuous’. I’m sure it has been a living hell!. If you need to reach out to me via email you can: TelaHill1@gmail.com

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  2. Debbie

    This blog and the replies have given me encouragement to get back to my healing and forget the Y’s, even if they did give any answers, it’ll never be the truth, so now no point even asking.
    I met up with my ex about a year after the breakup, I agreed to meet him just to get answers and a closure to the relationship. I never got the answers and I fell back to square one in my healing. They always pop back so I have been reading since, just to make sure the knife they stabbed your heart with was deeply embedded. There is no limits to a sociopath!

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    • Tela

      Thank you Debbie for your comment. You won’t ever get the answers, as in their mind they truly did nothing wrong. Any & everything that went wrong in the relationship was a direct result of “yyour words, your actions, your weakness, your etc etc etc.” A Sociopath will never take the blame, therefore, there is never any true closure.

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  3. Just Me

    I ask “Why” a million times a day. Some days are better than others and some are awful. Lately, I’ve been sad because of the holidays but then I think….all the gifts, all the flowers, all the endearing words and so on….was it EVER real or was it an illusion. Of course you always want it to be real but who knows….he doesn’t since I don’t think he can tell the difference between real feelings and illusional feelings.
    BUT….I did have a breakthrough with a BFF today. She called me because Dear Abby had an letter today asking the definition of a Sociopath, what she came up with was what Tela has always said BUT she worded parts of it differently, maybe for the ‘normal’ people and my BFF got it….she understood and for the first time, I felt she really did understand what I’ve been trying to explain and the reason, she experienced it with me while driving with him. For me, this was a breakthrough that a friend gets it. It doesn’t make it hurt any less but it validates what I have been saying all along.
    Sometimes, it just takes Dear Abby to make a person see the bigger picture. : )

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  4. betternotbroken

    I love the three unconditional properties of love in equal measure, abuse will not stop until people recognize and accept what love is and what love is not. Excellent post!

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  5. dav

    Hello all, I understand why. And like many of you have said he is empty. He is void of being human. But he got away with what he did. I am the only one who knows the truth. And that what gets to me. People think he is perfect. Thanks for the article. Every one be positive when you can.

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  6. A male victim in Scandinavia

    Indeed Tela, the WHY’s are endless, the lies are multiple…I guess our ex’s resemble a bowl of spaghetti in our quest for answers/closure, you can see the beginning but not the end of that single noodle because of their twisted and convoluted way of thinking. Also they are void of being capable of coexisting with anything or anyone, yet they certainly are great actors in pretending. Shallow emotions, delusional and zero accountability as they morph themselves into the lives of the following relationship. Would be interesting to see their reaction if ALL the ex’s were able to group together and stare at the sociopath…exposure would make them melt like butter in a pan. Thanks Tela, you are fantastic with your input and this blog…keep it up! br Tom

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    • Tela

      Thank you Tom for your comment. A great correlation between a Sociopath and a noodle!! 🙂 I know this has been a very difficult year for you. Please look how far you have come. Progress in healing is made one day at a time!! ❤

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      • A male victim in Scandinavia

        Thanks mostly to you…but we all have our moments of weakness, moments of Why’s and how could they…all the meaningless words, followed by decit, lies and blame coupled with sometimes sordid and vicious physical attacks….Thanks Tela!!!!

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  7. 18mitzvot

    Why didn’t he love me like I loved him? Because he doesn’t love anyone. He can’t do it and he doesn’t want to change. It’s not my fault.

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  8. revgerry

    I really like this:
    “Love is made up of three unconditional properties in equal measure:
    1. Acceptance
    2. Understanding
    3. Appreciation

    If you look for those in any relationship, it’s a keeper.
    Stay well and hugs to you

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    • Tela

      Thank you Gerry for stopping by. And the 3

        unconditional

      properties are never in place with a Sociopath. As I have said before, your BLOG has always given me the positive when so much negative has a way of creeping in. I hope you are feeling better! ~hugs~ to you my dear friend ❤

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      Reply
  9. lifegoeson14

    That is so true all I ever do is ask myself why why why and i am starting to realise it is because he is a sociopath that is my only answer because I will never get any other answers from him .I’m finding it quite frustrating and i am finding it hard to let go and move on but I am slowly doing it and the no contact is 100 percent the only option and only way I can ever do this .Ther is so any of asking the same question why ….

    Liked by 1 person

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