A Healing & Informative Site About Narcissistic Sociopaths

Rejection……

Rejection hurts! Plain and simple, it hurts to the core. And it especially hurts when there is no closure from the Sociopath that walked out of your life. Most likely blaming everything on you . You feel angry, bitter, and sadness. So how to deal with rejection? That is one of the most common questions I’m asked.
First you have to go back and see where the rejection first began. And I can almost promise you- if you think about it, the rejection happened way before they walked out or, you ended it.

When you said something kind- were your ‘kind’ words reciprocated? {rejection}. If you asked them about something they said that you knew to be a lie, did they admit they lied? No! {rejection}. Were your feelings of compassion/sympathy reciprocated? {rejection}. If they wanted to go somewhere and you explained in realistic terms why you couldn’t go on a round the world first class trip, and they just could not fathom that, and instead told you all the ‘reasons’ why your cheap {rejection}. If they planned something with someone else and neglected didn’t feel the need to talk with you about it beforehand {rejection}. If you were not feeling well and need the Sociopath to do something/anything but they had a list of reason why they couldn’t {rejection}. Did they go out of their way to plan a special event? {rejection}. Did they have a group of long term friends that were a part of your lives {rejection}. In the beginning of your relationship did you noticed red flags, odd behaviour {rejection}. If the Sociopath reminded you constantly of something they did for you and how you ‘didn’t appreciate it’ {rejection}. If they were on online dating sites while you were together, {rejection}. If they were lying about other people that you found out about {rejection}.

I could go on and on with examples of Rejection before they even left.  So to deal with the Rejection , it is imperative that you fully understand the rejection was already taking place. You were simply pouring your heart & soul into a doomed relationship from day one. Go back and think about different scenarios and how {rejection} can fit into them. Outcome will still be the same. You were rejected because there was nothing more the Sociopath needed from you. Be it financially, emotionally or sexually, you no longer had what they needed. And you know what? They no longer have what YOU NEED!!! Which is Peace, No more lies, Contentment, and No more verbal or emotional abuse! So REJECT THEM!!!
Yes, I know some of you have seen the Ex sail on with a new victim, person. And that hurts. But a Sociopath is a Sociopath is a Sociopath. So just because they sailed on with an unsuspecting new person, you, yourself already know how the Sociopath will be rejecting them. Just like with you , you couldn’t see it at first, but trust me, it is happening.

Rejection teaches you how to reject.       jeanette winterson

 

©SociopathLife.Com

25 Responses to “Rejection……”

  1. Belle

    My experience is like many of these with one difference. My sociopath KEEPS his “other” source for 25 years!! When we met he said he was single, BUT had a FRIEND whom he had dinners with almost nightly!! I was flattered, told hoe he had waited his entire life for me, and after THREE months he pleaded with me to leave my unhappy marriage and be with him! I am NOT a young woman & I should have known better but I didn’t! I divorced, have up EVERYTHING for him. We lived together for 11 months, but he NEVER mentioned marriage again after my divorce. He had an affair with one of his employees while we were living together, but worse still the FRIEND takes him back every time he breaks up with whoever he is seeing! He has never lived with anyone but me, however he has had several year long affairs while he was supposedly in a relationship,with the friend. We have gone back and forth for SIX years. He always says he loves me, but I have anger issues and I am jealous, so,he says!!! I have caught him in SO many lies but he always turns things around and accuses me. Every time we try to go back together he tells me he is NEVER SEEING HIS FRIEND AGAIN AND THAT SHE WILL NEVER TAKE HIM BACK. I try to forget all the lies and the hurt he has caused me but eventually I realize he will never marry me and Imget so hurt and so frustrated and I end things. He ALWAYS goes RIGHT back to her, immediately.,this has been going on between them for 26 years. He insists he does not love her but she is just so kind and will never hurt him and I HURT him so much that I MAKE him go back,to her!!! I have TRIED no contact so many times but I always end up going back!! I am beginning to think I AM the person who is in need of professional help!! I swear it’s over to myself and my friends but as soon as he texts me we start seeing each other and this sick relationship starts again!!! Why can’t I stay away????? Help!!! I found this site a few months back and it has helped me but I still can’t maintain the no contact and I am starting to believe all the things he has said, that I am crazy, bipolar, insecure, jealous,,etc. I just want to know if a narcissistic sociopath can stay in a relationship for 25 years with the same person. Maybe he is not a sociopath, but he seems to meet all the criteria EXCEPT this!!

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    • notme2014

      Belle…he is NOT in a relationship with her. She is probably addicted to him, like a lot of us are addicted to the sociopath. He sure sounds like one to me. I know how hard…seems impossible… to establish and stick to No Contact… But that really is the only way. He won’t change and you will not be happy….ever. For your own sake, block him…stay away…wish him well…and take care of yourself. I left my husband for one of these vile creatures too. I am not young either….and I know the devastation and pain being with someone like that can cause. Get off the crazy train and focus on you. Get professional counseling and find a hobby…meditation has helped me a lot. My heart goes out to you….its hard…but you can do it!! Love and Light.

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      • AlohaLover

        I would have to agree with NotMe, she is most likely an addict too. Many of us, including me, were addicted to the sociopath. It’s very easy to get sucked up in the charm….and we all know how charming they can be.
        And no one MAKES a sociopath do anything. He does it because he knows she will always take him back. My ex would say the same thing…because I was so awful I pushed him away to other women.
        Belle, they all went to the same college. The main thing I focus on ….they will stay locked in hell forever. We will carry the scars of the sociopath but we will never become one….it’s not like chicken pox or the flu…..we can’t catch it. As for him NOT being a sociopath, I would say he IS but I am not an expert. When he finds another ‘fix’ he will leave her and go to the new one, until she catches on and then he will be back to the other one. It’s a vicious circle.
        Stay strong and keep away from him!

        Liked by 1 person

  2. notme2014

    At the very start of the relationship, there really wasn’t a lot of rejection. I was sick one day and he brought me my favorite thing, I like when I am sick..I was like…”wow…how thoughtful”. How did he remember what I liked? it had to have been just a passing comment??? But all that changed after he made me “his”. I have a huge yard and lots of trees, and no longer had a husband…I needed to rake leaves one weekend…he says to me…I’m gonna go home and take a nap, call me, if you want to, when you’re done! He made promises constantly to help take care of things that needed to be taken care of…(I didn’t ask!) but never did any of it, but would use these things to strike up conversations and made more useless promises, just to keep me in “his debt??”. He actually got angry when I would just take care of them, accusing me of being a control freak, and that I had to “wear the pants” in the relationship. He told me he bought tickets to go to concerts but had to sell them because I wouldn’t go with him, he changed his plans for ME…the ungrateful bitch that I was. I didn’t believe he had really done any of the things he told me he did…it was all talk. He lied constantly about pretty much every aspect of his life.

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  3. Danielle

    Excellent post. I was checking continuously this blog and I am impressed!
    Extremely helpful information particularly the last part
    🙂 I care for such info a lot. I was seeking this certain information for a long time.

    Thank you and good luck.

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  4. secretangel

    Rejection hurts so many… unfortunately, many don’t realize that they had feelings of rejection from their childhood that even lead them into getting into these abusive relationships to begin with…. then the cycle continues.
    God bless you Tela for all that you do to help others!

    Liked by 1 person

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  5. betternotbroken

    Very true! Rejection teaches you how to reject, I love this, I love this so much I may have to use it in a post that I am working on re: rejection. Credit to you of course. It struck a cord with me when you said you were being rejected from day one, yes. How important it is to process this, thank you for another great post.

    Liked by 1 person

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    • Tela

      Thank you BNB for your kind comment. I think if each person was to look back at their relationship, they will see how the rejection truly started before the ‘ending’. ❤

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
  6. DogDharma

    Rejection, oh yes. I sold my home and everything precious I’d accumulated over the years to move overseas. Gave her money hand over fist that I really didn’t have since I was disabled. One person couldn’t possibly have sacrificed more for a love I thought was real — at least it was real on my part. After the discard (which was me fleeing back to the US after domestic violence and the death of my dog in her care), she moved on to the other woman, and what was the grand and wonderful sacrifice she touted the other woman had done for her? The woman had taken a “day off work”!!! Ultimate rejection!

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    • Tela

      Hi terry, thank you for your comment! So the new woman took a day off work? Wow! Does this new woman also realize she is still legally married to you?!?!? Yes! You were rejected from pretty much day one!!!!

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      • DogDharma

        Tela, she *should* know by now. I made early attempts to warn her, but I suspect my wife side-skirted it with lies. Then, I suspect my wife has been closely monitoring her Internet access, so I don’t know if she’s managed to find my blog. However, OW will soon find out the whole truth, and then it will be down to her whether she listens, and I will have done all I can possibly do to prevent one more soul from being vampirized. Stay tuned!!! 🙂

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  7. vino4me

    Here’s my rejection story:
    We were living together for 2 years, 2 weeks from listing my house and he walks out.
    I have many, many examples now that I know he is a Sociopath but here are a few that stand out:
    Being a partner in the relationship, you do things that you may not like. I took care of him when he was sick with the flu ( I’m a germaphobe…sp), when his back went out, I took a day off of work to take him to the doctor, when we came back from Hawaii and a week later he had folliculitis…who took him to the doctor and KNEW the questions to ask, who changed the bed EVERY FUCKING DAY, washed towels EVERY FUCKING DAY , I knew more about folliculitis that I needed to, but I pumped up his immune system, made him get out of bed and move around, bought special soap to help it heal and because it can re-occur, made certain he had plenty of it. Cleaned up after him(EWWWW) when he had food poisoning. When the whole break up happened, he NEVER EVER mentioned any of it. He only threw up ( PUN INTENDED ) the things he felt I never did for him.
    BUT, the best one ever happened after he left and I was hanging my a thread.
    I went to the ER because I wasn’t eating and I was super dehydrated, do you think he took me….no he sat on the edge of the bed and said he needed to go to a BBQ. I drove myself.

    Up until I found this site, I thought it was ME….maybe he was right, I was this or that…..no, he wanted me to BELIEVE it was me and he was VERY good at it.

    I am regaining my life, my self worth and self esteem….he, on the other hand, is a very lost soul who moves from whore to whore and will never ever be any different. I pity him.

    Thank you Tela for making me see….it’s not me.

    Liked by 1 person

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    • Tela

      Thank you for sharing you rejection stories. Truly sad, that when ‘we’ need sympathy/care/compassion the Sociopath lacks all of that!! So happy you are regaining your self-worth and self-esteem! That is so very important. Like I said in another post, they truly know how to ‘Mind Fuck’ us. ❤

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  8. mandy

    i just read your last few posts, Tela. All I can say is: You are doing amazing work here. Sharing your story is the greatest service you can do in helping others recognize the narcissist in their own life (if they don’t already) and then you go further with the multitudes of additional information. YOU are amazing, your strength shines through all the hell that you still endure. ❤

    Liked by 2 people

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  9. summertime52

    There is so much truth to this post and I do not miss the rejection AT ALL or the feelings of abandonment when I was being rejected. I have made it through one week since my sociopath told me he wanted to end our relationship after being in and out of this relationship for more than 4 years and the last year of living together. I knew the signs from so many disappearing acts from the past so it was not shocking and at this stage I was ready and grateful but this is the first time in my entire life I have ever lived alone so I knew there would be an adjustment. I was not expecting as much “rejection” from my family as I’ve gotten. Of course they all believe he is such a saint and he is playing the victim role and it’s all my fault. He was such a charmer and played upon all their emotions and insecurities, especially my mother and sisters. For me to bother telling them the truth about the things he said behind their backs would only appear as though I was a “scorned woman” and they would be even more determined to throw me under the bus. Seeing all of their reactions now helps me to better understand why I was so drawn to a person like him to begin with. Obviously, I did not have good role models in my life growing up as a child.

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  10. justme3362

    Yes!

    Also bad: when the sociopath feels rejected because you “walked out” on them. (Or, in my case, kicked out with the expectation I’d come crawling back.)

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      • JAP

        I have posted a comment in the past but I will repeat it here. When I told my ex that it was over and that there was no coming back and that she was wasting her time with me (the moment her mask fell down), she did not take it lightly. So she started flaunting her new love with whom she is “madly” in love with.

        I mean… I kinda feel a bit proud to have ended things… I will admit it 😉 A little ego boost 🙂

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      • Tela

        lol….love the last part of the comment. So, I have to ask, has she tried contacting you? Other than flaunting the new victim I mean ‘love’ in your face?

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      • JAP

        Hello Tela,

        oh absolutely. She tried in both a direct and indirect ways to contact me. To provide you with a bit of context, we were not living in the same city, we were long distance although we would see each other frequently.

        So when I broke up with her, of course she tried to reel me back in for 2 weeks. I would simply say “No”. When she wrote me to say that she “decided to invest herself in a new relationship and that she was happy”, she started posting pictures of them everywhere.

        I still had her on my Facebook, so I blocked her, deleted her number, everything. No trace (shortly after, when she noticed I had blocked her… she removed all pictures and her “relationshit status”).

        I never contacted her. Then 2 months after, out of the blue, I get a message from an unknown number saying “hey I saw there was a train accident in NYC, I hope you are ok (I live in NYC).

        I didn’t know it was her (I had deleted her number and didnt know hers by heart). So I kindly asked “who is it”. When I got a message saying “why would I bother tell you who I am if you dared to delete my number”… I knew it was her.

        Never heard from her again “directly”, but she continued to get in touch with friends of mine she only saw once…

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  11. njncguy

    Totally agree with you. And worse, the person doing the rejection has all the power in a relationship. In essence, the person who cares the least about a relationship has all the power (because they really don’t care if the the relationship is over). So if you’re on the short-end of rejection recognize the dynamics and don’t let yourself get sucked into always being the one trying so hard to make things work. Talk. Sure, work on things. BUT be wiling to let it go.

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