A Healing & Informative Site About Narcissistic Sociopaths

Tsunami Effect

In the beginning of the relationship with the Sociopath, everything is perfect. They say the right things, they compliment often, you do fun random things, countless hours of conversations. You think to yourself ‘this is the one’. The waves are small, but building.

You wake up one day and realize, those small waves are now getting bigger. These are the devalue & discard waves. Coming at you more frequently and larger {verbal abuse, mental/emotional abuse, physical abuse}. The abuse is not constant, so in between you are a normal couple. This is where your swimming against the Tsunami current. The ebb & flow is getting harder and harder because the Sociopath now has your mind control. Your happiness is depending on their words and actions. So you put a ‘life jacket’ on. This life jacket could be you don’t engage in verbal arguments any longer, you find yourself more isolated from family and friends. Or you try and do things so as not to set the Sociopath off. But the waves are building……

And now the horrific surge of waves (abuse/discard) has finally hit. You cannot love the abuse out of them. They display zero ability to reasoning. Conversations with them always turn ugly, and most likely everything is YOUR fault.  You find yourself unable to swim against the strong Tsunami current of the relentless attacks from the Sociopath, their ability to move on as if your not drowning in what they have done to you and your life. Your life jacket of common sense, real feelings, pain, empathy is no longer able to keep you afloat. And you find yourself left behind after their Tsunami.

Now your washed up, nothing but pure destruction in your life. Your in a mind coma, you cannot think rationally. You miss them, want them back, then you get angry and you want answers. You start  romanticizing yourself whereas you will love them so much they will never abuse you again. All of these thoughts and emotions are like the trash left on beaches after a Tsunami. You want to start picking up the trash, but you pick up the little pieces of the good times, happy moments, words of love. And that is the trash that needs to be left behind!! Yes, they did profess their love to you, yes, they did provide happy moments and good times. However, all of this is part of their Tsunami….building you up slowly….silently creating these waves just to completely obliterate you.

KNOW you want answers. I KNOW you cannot begin to comprehend how a living breathing human being can be so damn cruel. I KNOW you may want revenge, I KNOW you want them to take accountability for the Tsunami of destruction they did to you mentally and emotionally, but that will never happen! EVER!! The Sociopath will never understand that how they act, what they said, was hateful and hurtful. They simply just don’t care. Read that again….they simply just don’t care!. All they care about is that forward motion….looking for the next person to destroy. So you see on their social media accounts how ‘happy’ they are. Remember, that is the same exact happy they had with you….so another Tsunami is building in another person’s life………leave your trash on the beach where the Sociopaths Tsunami left it. Each time you pick a piece up {memory} you are back in the Tsunami.

Holding on is believing that there’s only a past; letting go is knowing there is a future         daphne rose kingma


3 Responses to “Tsunami Effect”

  1. DogDharma

    Very good analogy, Tela. I liken picking up the tattered pieces on the beach — the “good” memories we are flooded with — to reverse PTSD. We go into a store and hear a “special” song, and a “good” memory comes flooding back, and suddenly for the 10 millionth time we think, “Oh no! What did I do wrong! How did I lose the best thing that ever happened to me.” And we’re stuck in flash-back pain. Hard to do — let go of those memories.

    And the tattered pieces on the beach after the tsunami are not just memories, good and bad. Our beach hut is gone and we have to build a new one. Our very self seems to have been usurped, and we have to find self again. And it will never be the old self, but a newly constructed self, hopefully glued together with lessons learned.


    • Tela

      Thank you DD for your comment. And the debris on the beach as I described is the memories these could be memories of happy times, memories of shattered dreams, memories of tender words spoken, memories of words cutting you in two and so on. Just like a real Tsunami, it leaves total destruction behind, and it is up to us to leave the trash & debris from their Tsunami and move forward. Don’t bend down and pick it up anymore, all you will do is start the wave process all over.

      Liked by 1 person


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