A Healing & Informative Site About Narcissistic Sociopaths

Validation

During, and especially after a relationship with a Sociopath, you have a need for validation. And these ‘need’s’ can be one or more of the following

  • your not the crazy one~ a Sociopath can almost have you on the brink of believing you truly are the crazy one. This is done with repeated words & actions, breaking your common sense down, creating a dependency on them {ie: if you did this or that, they will praise you, if you said this or that, they in turn said or did something kind}..
  • how can they lie, straight faced, and think I’m going to believe it ~because if you believed just one of their lies, they continue on as there is no consequences for them {in their minds}
  • more words of ‘I will change, we can work this out’~ this is usually said, and then followed up with ‘but your the cause of the problems’
  • how did i not see this person for what they really are ~ it’s really hard to understand that a Sociopath really, really is an emotionally disconnected person, yet they walk, talk & breath. There are so many layers to their dysfunction & disconnection, and to keep the layers hidden, they use the love bombing, the emotional manipulation, the chemical addiction ie: happy habits, you do more to keep them happy as your happiness is now dependent on them
  • how can someone not actually love, yet say the words~ this is manufactured love, i wrote about that here
  • do they realize how much they devastated me? and/or kids~ sometimes. but if they realize what they have done that makes them then be accountable. And as you know, the Sociopath will never, ever take accountability for their words & actions. Their accountability equates to this: “if you wouldn’t have acted like you did this wouldn’t have happened. Or, “if you would learn to treat me with respect I would do the same”…this is called blame shifting. And they do it all the time
  • they create a laundry list of faults {as they perceive} you have~ and after hearing these faults, you start to find yourself believing them and/or wanting to change them so the Sociopath will love you. Don’t kid yourself. The Sociopath will find faults in every single human being, except themselves. Period.
  • how could they just move on to someone else so quickly~ you need validation that you did matter to them. If you are fortunate enough {or more accurately unfortunate enough}, to know who they moved onto next, you will see the same behaviour, same or similar words spoken. Same promises made {always to be broken}. So even though they mattered to you, and you to them, but only for their own personal gain. This is especially hard to accept.

The following is a great quote that I live by. At the end of the day, validation is important in many different areas of our lives. However the only validation needs to come from ourselves.

how would your life be different if you stopped allowing other people to dilute or poison your day with their words or opinions? let today be the day you stand strong in the truth of your beauty and journey through your day without attachment to the validation of others.  steve maraboli

©SociopathLife.com

26 Responses to “Validation”

  1. Gianni Ventola Danese

    I share four months of my life and my deep love with a female socio narcissit, she was abusing me from the beginning, after a short honey moon, and every day more and more… Two times i told in her face that she had some problems… at the second time she disappeared, without any remorse. I found my sick love story in this blog, most of things you write are the same in my story with her… also, it’s very difficult to stand up and walk again…. very difficult… one month and half and I am still suffering my emotional rape… thank you for your clear and deep writing 🙂

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    • Tela

      Thank You Gianni for your kind comment. I hope by reading some of my post it will bring some clarity and understanding with what you went through. Yes! It is so very difficult to stand up and walk again~ but you are! Slowly and painfully, but you are!! 🙂

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      • Gianni Ventola Danese

        Yes, your posts do describe very well the mental disorder of these persons. But the problem is also that after split up from these persons we are sick, weak, like to have a cancer in our soul… and sometimes we still love these persons… we miss them… we keep the hope inside us that she/he could be back to us understanding the pain they provoked… just an illusion.

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      • Tela

        It truly is an illusion in the sense that we cannot comprehend how they do not feel the same emotions! Pain, Hurt, Disappointment like we do. Yes, we do still Love them, and miss them terribly after the relationship. We wish we could go back to the beginning…..the fun times, happy moments {maybe great sex}…Your Sociopath did not hold onto those memories/experiences like you. You were just a small part in her constant going forward motion through life.

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  2. cabininthewoods23

    Oh wow. This spoke to me so much!!! I just kept saying to myself…”That is exactly what happened” and “That’s exactly how I felt”

    Thank you so much for this blog. It helps me to know that I am not crazy. I am not alone. And there was nothing about myself that I could have changed that would have made her love me.

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    • Tela

      Thank you @cabininthewoods23 for your comment. I’m glad you could relate to this post. You are not alone, and you are not crazy. Even though the Sociopath can makes us think that!

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      • lifegoeson14

        No i thank you because its exaxtly what i needed to read right now ..i have started my blog all over again due to a problem with my email my other blog was stronger than i was hopefully this time i will have better luck ..i look forward to reading your posts as they help me

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  3. 18mitzvot

    “if you wouldn’t have acted like you did this wouldn’t have happened. ” -This was 14 years of marriage for me! Blame-Shifting. Thank you for naming the beast.

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    • Tela

      Thank you for your comment. The blame shifting as you are aware can happen from the smallest of incidents to the biggest. Never, ever will they take accountability….every ‘misfortune’ that has happened in their life is because of or the fault of someone else. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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      • 18mitzvot

        Yeah, that, too. My big baby was more about “You made me act out because you didn’t worship me.” It’s funny until the domestic violence starts.

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  4. StrongerSoulSurvivor

    Thank you for a great post, couldn’t stop nodding along as I read each point 🙂 The hardest thing of all to realise and accept is that a sociopath doesn’t think like everyone else.

    Whatever they do and say is manufactured so they can achieve or maintain power, and there’s no point in thinking, ‘Surely they wouldn’t be so cynical as to say they love me if they don’t?’ Yes they would. They do. And they will never EVER see it as wrong.

    Really glad you pointed all this out. Well done on not just surviving – but also thriving 🙂

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    • Tela

      Thank you @StrongerSoulSurvivor for your comment. Yes, you are correct, about the hardest to realize and accept is that truly do not think like everyone else. I believe it is that emotional disconnection within them. Your blog has helped countless other’s in opening their eyes to what is/was happening and also validating they are not alone!

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
    • Tela

      Thank you AofA for your comment. Yes the healing is a long process, and can only be done away from the abuser.

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  5. Belle

    Wow! EVERY SINGLE sentence you have written is EXACTLY what transpired in my unhealthy relationship!!! I feel so much better every time I read your articles. I am really trying to move forward and let myself believe I was NOT crazy and everything was NOT my fault. I have had the ” no contact” rule in place for 14 days now and everyday gets a little easier! Thank you soooo much!

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    Reply
    • Tela

      Thank you Belle for your comment. And I am so very proud of you with the no contact. I know how difficult it is! Keep it up!! ❤

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