A Healing & Informative Site About Narcissistic Sociopaths

Healing And Time

You have asked yourself many times, ‘why is it taking so long to get over the ex’. There are several possible reasons, though each person is individual in their healing and recovery from a Sociopath. It does not matter if you were married for many years, or had a months long relationship, it takes a very long time to heal from these people.

A Sociopath give us manufactured love and this starts at the onset of the relationship. When you met, they made you feel something you never had with another. They idealized you, complimented often, constant contact. Conversations were easy and there was never disagreements. They made you feel perfection. And this is the manufactured love of the relationship, their love was not soul based, but rather control {emotional/physical}, and possibly material and/or financial based. Manufactured love does not require them to feel the love that you do. Meaning, it is very easy for them to manipulate, deceive, abuse without any conscience.

This manufactured love then turned into a chemical dependency. I know your thinking ‘no way! I did not have a chemical dependency on the ex’.  This is done by giving you praise,wanting to spend all their time with you,  making you feel that perfection in the beginning. The chemicals released in our brains when we are happy are Dopamine, Serotonin, Oxytocin & Endorphine. The Sociopath creates a happy habit of these chemicals with the constant approval, affection, compliments, sex and so on. Your happiness then starts to depend on the Sociopaths approval of you. You become dependent on this and work harder at the relationship to keep this happiness. While your trying harder, the Sociopath is slowly ‘starving’ you of this chemical.

Infidelity & cheating. Two of the most classic traits of a Sociopath. While you were committed to building a life with whom you thought was the perfect person, they were committed to creating a life with multiple  partners. Oftentimes when a relationship with a Sociopath ends, they have no problem sailing on to their next partner, and posting about it on various social networks, or letting your mutual friends/co-workers know how “happy” they are now. This hurts! And hurts deeply. It seems almost impossible to accept that the person you loved so much could just walk out with no regard to your feelings and deep love. *see above on manufactured love*

Triangulation is done by the Sociopath to protect them. They do this by turning family and friends against you. Feeding you false information about what “everyone” is saying about you. You begin to think that maybe you are the one who actually has a problem, this is done by gaslighting along with triangulation. You may find yourself talking to family and friends and they just don’t seem to understand {or accept} what you went through. You may feel totally abandoned, and no one seems to understand.

There is no set amount of time to recover from a relationship with a Sociopath. You have a feeling of numbness, anger, loneliness, and a deep feeling of emptiness. You gave your heart & soul to that person. Now you are trying to salvage what’s left of it.

“No one saves us but ourselves. No one can and no one may. We ourselves must walk the path.”   gautama buddha


11 Responses to “Healing And Time”

  1. Reality

    No amount of time will ever make this better. God leaves us victims to fend for ourselves while they get to go on, happily knowing they have ruined another person for life.

    That’s their goal. To destroy any shreds of humanity that we have left. That’s why they smear, that’s why they never stop. Don’t fool yourselves. They will never stop, and they will continue to turn others against you so that you never have a social life, you never recover, you are never able to pull yourself out.

    That’s the real end game. And when there is a family full of them who have you in their sights, the only out is suicide. That’s the reality.


    • Tela

      I am not sure what you base your comment on. How long has it been since you have been away from the Sociopath {presumed} in your life?
      Suicide is NOT even an option. I STRONGLY suggest you reach out to family members, or more specifically a trauma counselor.
      In contradiction to your comment, yes, people DO recover, yes, they are able to PULL themselves out.
      Your comment is very disturbing, and I do hope you get some much needed help.

      Liked by 1 person

    • AlohaLover

      @Reality ….. I’m very upset about your comment re: suicide. If you are in fact even thinking about that, I strongly urge to call The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline / 800.273.8255 and talk
      to someone there that can help you. If that is your aim, you need help. But, let me tell you, that will not solve anything. Why? The Sociopath, will always be a Sociopath and will always move
      from victim to victim. They will always discard. They will always lie. They will always, always try to make you look like the worst person in the world to anyone that will listen and that will
      include family, friends, co-workers, new relationships and so on. That’s their only motive. I lost a childhood friend because she took sides at first and he contacted her and instead of shutting him
      down right away, she listened to him. We did not speak for 2 years, until I was at a place where I could talk to her and forgive her. I have many friends who did not believe my story of abuse and I
      believe it was because they could not see the abuse…it was there.

      What I found, I had to be stronger than the Sociopath, in mind, body and spirit. It’s not easy and it take determination and sheer will to claw your way from Hell to the surface of Life. This is why
      NO CONTACT is the key. You cannot talk to the person, or see the person or check their social media….NOTHING. Think of THEM as dead….not you. YOU are strong. YOU are fierce. YOU have everything to
      live for…..if for no other reason, show the Sociopath, ” Hey, bring it on…. You WILL NOT take me down so FUCK YOU!

      You will never be the same person but you will be a better, stronger, wiser person. Hang in there and if you feel like it, share your story. How long has this been? A day? A month? Each increment of time,
      has it’s own ‘symptoms’ and I use that word because I can’t think of a more appropriate word to use. So, if it’s been a month, it’s still new and you’re still in a fog of disbelief.
      We’ve all been right where you are….you are never alone.
      Stay strong!


    • Tela

      Reality/Poster, their ‘end game’ is what YOU allow. I am going to beg to differ on your statement ‘they never stop’. Yes, a Sociopath will STOP, once YOU stop feeding her.
      This is not an overnight process, or even a week, month; sometimes a year. When a Sociopath realizes YOU can give them NOTHING more is their ‘end game’. Every single time you have contact, every single time you acknowledge her, every single time you speak about her {which can get back to her}..just keeps you in her cross-hairs.
      Yes, most have a ‘goal’ of destroying a person, mentally/emotionally/physically and financially. What I beg you to understand is; once YOU start to take the control away, you have taken her ‘goal’.
      Suicide is a PERMANENT EASY OUT to a TEMPORARY PROBLEM. And Suicide is NEVER, EVER an option. Please reach out to someone and get some help.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. AlohaLover

    Every time I come to this site I always find a post I missed. This post hits home and I wish I would have seen it when I first came here. Looking at the dates, I was still in a fog. This is very well written.

    No matter what anyone says, you will heal in your own time. There is not “just get over it” there is no “it’s time sweetie”, “do you know what you need….”, NO YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT I NEED. Family and friends did not believe the EX could ever do something so vile… “he loved you so much” they would say. It wasn’t until I produced hard ass proof that they said ” Oh my gosh”. They were times I wished I would have a visible scar so they would believe me. Unseen scars are so hard to explain. Everyone here, Tela especially believed me.

    I now believe he was cheating from day one. It went on for 2 years and then I caught him red handed and he was pissed. One thing a Sociopath never wants is to get backed into a corner and he was and there was no escaping. When he left April 22, 2014, I felt my life was over…little did I know it was just beginning but I could not see it. It took me a good 2 years to become the new me and I will never go back to ignoring all the red flags. I thank all of you on this site and especially Tela who from the first day said ” you will get through this, I promise you will get through this”. I did and I am so thankful.
    If you think you won’t make it out…. you will, I promise you, you will. And smile because there is NO CURE FOR THE SOCIOPATH! That keeps me going daily.
    Stay Fierce. Stay Strong!


  3. summertime52

    This post was so helpful to me. This is exactly where I am now. I’ve escaped and am now on my road to recovery in this journey. I have realized he was a sociopath and he was my addiction. It’s all up to me now. Thank you so very much for all the efforts you have put into this site and for the support you are giving.


  4. DogDharma

    Once again, you nail it, Tela. I particularly appreciated: “their love was not soul based, but rather control {emotional/physical}.” In the love-bombing phase, they do so many things, make so many gestures, you can’t comprehend that it is not coming from the heart, because you know *your* feelings are gushing from the heart. But in the end, it’s nothing more than a well-performed act. “Acting” isn’t the same as “feeling,” and you are left with the sad reality that something that was sacred to you was nothing more than a two-bit performance on their part.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. betternotbroken

    I can see the chemical dependency, it is one of the reasons people rush to fill the shoes of the first sociopath with a second one, it actually hurts to disengage and enmesh from someone. I had a hard time dismissing “love” as chemicals but in the end it was liberating to see that what I had was not love and to have an explanation as to why people struggle so with restructuring themselves and their lives post split. Another wonderful post Tela.

    Liked by 1 person


Your Thoughts:

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Basic HTML is allowed. Your email address will not be published.

Subscribe to this comment feed via RSS

%d bloggers like this: