You held on a long as you possibly could to the dysfunctional relationship with the Sociopath. You are at day 1 or month 18 of no contact and you find yourself missing them. How can you miss someone who was so awful, treated you so terrible?
You vacillate between anger, missing them, then maybe to lonely, back to anger and so on. You had blind faith that things would work out, and ultimately you know/knew they never would. That is very difficult to accept, especially when they made you feel so good, treated you like you had never been treated, said the most amazing things and with all this you planned for a perfect future. Each and every time you have contact with the Sociopath they take you back to their Hell again.
There are no words to make you accept who & what you were involved with. Yes, I said make you accept. The mind has a way of not wanting to accept reality of situations in an effort to protect us from ultimate pain, sorrow, & sadness. The manipulation done to you was silently at first. Red flags~ignored, underhanded comments~brushed off, times of disappearing~ swallowed their lies, lack of emotions~ maybe they couldn’t relate to a particular situation….all of these and more were done in the systemic breakdown of your core.
Each and every single time you have contact with the Sociopath you are placing yourself back in their hell. Their hell is the inability to: truly love~unconditionally, to accept criticism, bond with their children in a loving nurturing way, provide mental & emotional support for you, have a stable career, posses their own self-esteem, create meaningful friendships……all of these the Sociopath lacks in one form or another. Maybe one has a stable career, but lacks in the emotional & loving connection. Or maybe one is so controlling saying one wrong word sets them into a tailspin of crazy train . Whatever the case is with you, make the steps to get out of hell so you don’t go back again.
“What is next to ecstasy?
What is next to pain?
What is next to nothingness?
Hell.” umera ahmed