A Healing & Informative Site About Narcissistic Sociopaths

Head Fuckery

This is a fairly strong titled post….and apologies upfront to anyone offended by the title. The reason this is titled Head Fuckery is that is exactly what a Narcissist Sociopath does with their blame, lies, deceit, emotional blackmail, deflection/projection, abuse and so on.

How does Head Fuckery work?

  • ask a direct question~ get lies in return
  • abuse~ mental/emotional/physical and financial
  • turning their unacceptable behaviour into you are actually the one acting inappropriate
  • denial, denial, denial~ never do they accept accountability {yet you are to be 100% accountable}
  • hypercritical~ about most everything & everyone
  • falsely accuse you of things and/or events that they actually did and/or said
  • fault blaming~ they can point out every single fault they perceive you have
  • intentionally causing pain~ and then denying they did.
  • displays of limited emotional connection to a person or place

Being involved with a Narcissistic Sociopath is like getting into a washing machine and setting it on spin cycle. You go round & round & round, never to stop. To stop the spin cycle and Head Fuckery, there is only one option: get out! 

forgive those who insult you, attack you, belittle you or take you for granted. most importantly…….forgive yourself for allowing them to hurt you.


25 Responses to “Head Fuckery”

  1. Denise

    I couldn’t think of a better term.Because their actions to not look evil to the outside world. “You’re just crazy or paranoid.” Example? Ex will not communicate. He never came home from the office before 7. Never took a vacation day. Now that the kids are off for “ski week” –he takes time off without telling anyone and tells them he’s taking them away (from me) for the week. They have no choice. Now, he decides to take them to my parents’ house. (Of course they will not turn their grandkids away) Meanwhile, he plays with everyone’s head and won’t tell my parents when he’ll exactly be there. What is that but mind shagging? Because there is absolutely NO purpose in any of it. Not his taking the time off (I work from home.) Not the trip to my parents. Not the lack of telling them when he’s coming.


  2. A male victim who has been stung

    Tela, head fuckery is on the mark, call a spade a spade, if it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck…it probably is a duck.

    I know you do not believe in revenge…I do is some strange way. Let me explain, and perhaps others feel the same. We have put up with the lies, manipulations, accusations, blame, humiliation, cheating, triangulation and the list goes on. So we want revenge. Perhaps it is not revenge, but more validation that we did the right thing, ending it, going no contact, silent treatment etc. But knowing that the ex indeed is working from a script, and the new woman/man in their life (and they pop up quickly on the menu), but knowing that the new person (victim) is suffering the same, that is a mix of revenge and validation. We made the right decision, remember they are masters at spinning head fuckery, mind fucking and whatever F word can be used.

    The revenge I seek is validation. Knowledge, the intel that now that the honeymoon phase (love bombing) has ended, the shit head fuckery has begun. To me that gives me validation, thus revenge…in a strange way. It validates my actions that s/he indeed is purely an emotional rollercoaster of drama, lies and….well the list goes on.

    Other readers, you can read my story in SoInka…in Tela’s Sharing Page. And Tela’s is fantastic!!! I can say this from an 8 hour time distance (time zones) and close to the Arctic Circle.

    So yes, I want revenge, but the revenge through validation. I want to know that I was correct, that she (in this case) did indeed manipulate my mind. They say that Sociopath/Narcs…or whatever Cluster B traits they have will break any person, no matter how strong. The really smart people see these types coming a mile off…why don’t we…or specifically why didn’t I see it. Had the roles been reversed, a friend would come and say….Tom, what do you think of my new girlfriend…I would say she looks great (if she did in my opinion), then he would tell me about some flags, and I would be able to say…My friend, she is using you, you will be hurt, did she say that you were the best sex ever, her soul mate, blah blah blah…well my friend, it is a script, they are actors, they have lucid moments…but then bury them with their survival instincts….and trust me, they move quickly…as Tela stated above….ask a question, they will lie.

    So why, if I am so smart, so savy and knowledgable did I become the sucker of this bullshit? Am I that weak, stupid and blind? Guess so, or are they just better than the best at head fuckery. I want revenge through validation, I need to know that it was not me…and I certainly did walk in landmines (not eggshells, they go crunch) this one physically abused me, humilated me, used sex as a weapon (actually probably her only one) but I am a gentleman and I respect women. The odd thing about the landmines is….somehow when I thought (the smart fellow I am…sarcastic) I knew the layout of the landmines…well the next morning I would walk out, tip toe…and boom it would explode…yep those landmines moved, and they moved right under my watchful eye…and I saw nothing.

    But I did love her! That is a fact! The mimicking (mirroring) told me something good, that I (and you) are valuable, something unique, and have lots to offer to the right person….hope to meet her soon (or for you women out there, meet him soon).

    Thanks Tela…you inspire me and make me strong(er) again. I lost my dignity and values, great blog.

    br Tom


  3. DogDharma

    The title is dead on, and I love the metaphor of the washing machine on spin cycle. And don’t forget the gas-lighting — where you saw something happen with your own eyes, and they stand there and deny it and claim you misperceivied or forgot… The longer you are exposed to their “mind fuckery,” the more your own sense of reality erodes. What a dastardly and evil game they play!


  4. karmabaybee

    Reblogged this on BEEN TO HELL & BACK BECAUSE I FOUND THE EXITS and commented:
    Head Fuckery! That’s great!! The only thing offensive about that title is that it’s true and I allowed it to happen to me. Not for the word used. For years I thought it was my fault, I needed to change and then I read up on narcissists because I suspected I was dealing with one. It’s like I found the key to Pandora’s box and inside was a flashlight – a really bright one that shed onto all kinds of things that now make me see and understand things more clearly. Wow.


  5. sacapuntas78

    This is EXACTLY!!! what my sister is like!!!! I stopped talking to her about 9 or 10 months ago and I created this blog to help me heal. It’s day two for me, and you said exactly what I have been experiencing my whole life. Thank you!!


  6. laura

    How can i forgive when i’m still living with my abusers? (not by choice)


    • Tela

      I just posted this comment this morning “Psychologists generally define forgiveness as a conscious, deliberate decision to release feelings of resentment or vengeance toward a person or group who has harmed you, regardless of whether they actually deserve your forgiveness.
      Just as important as defining what forgiveness is, though, is understanding what forgiveness is not. Experts who study or teach forgiveness make clear that when you forgive, you do not gloss over or deny the seriousness of an offense against you. Forgiveness does not mean forgetting, nor does it mean condoning or excusing offenses. Though forgiveness can help repair a damaged relationship, it doesn’t obligate you to reconcile with the person who harmed you, or release them from legal accountability.
      Instead, forgiveness brings the forgiver peace of mind and frees him or her from corrosive anger. While there is some debate over whether true forgiveness requires positive feelings toward the offender, experts agree that it at least involves letting go of deeply held negative feelings. In that way, it empowers you to recognize the pain you suffered without letting that pain define you, enabling you to heal and move on with your life.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. betternotbroken

    Forgive them, YES and then leave them for good. I hope everyone can come to forgive themselves as well, it is something I still struggle with but with the help of posts and blogs like this, I am getting better. Thank you.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Tela

      Thank you for your comment. Forgives, especially when forgiving ourselves is hard work. But to able to move forward it must be done. btw, your post yesterday was spot on!! 😀


      • betternotbroken

        Thank you Tela! I hope things are going well for you.


  8. JJK

    I think this head or mind shagging is one of the longest lasting residual damages these beast do to us. This is why I do not sleep at night still, and my head ache still persists. In my case there would be a SUDDEN out break of drama, usually health related, and I would ask what happened, the beast would respond “I am exhausted I will tell you later”. Later come around, and I would get an answer that does not even closely relate to the drama..”well I thought I had cancer, then I thought it was a miscarriage, but all along its food poisoning….A normal person would tell or know what is wrong with their health, or have a close approximate of the issue, if something serious turned out to be a benign issue, they would tell you right away without delay, not drag it on for a week…

    Liked by 1 person


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