A Healing & Informative Site About Narcissistic Sociopaths

Female Sociopath Love

The following was written by JJK, someone who reached out to me via email. Over the course of the last couple of months I have had the privilege of seeing the changes in him. This man {like countless other’s}, has suffered such mental, emotional and financial abuse from a Female Sociopath. As you read his story, you will be moved at the lengths he went to, to ‘hide’ from his friends and family the abuse he was going through, and the amount of self-sacrificing to try and keep this woman in his life. Although he is now completely away from the Female Sociopath, he sufferer’s from classic PTSD. I have a strong faith and belief in him, that one day he will no longer suffer from the PTSD, and be able to enjoy ‘fried chicken’ while watching ‘football’ {this part was for you JJK 😀 }

Sociopath what is love? 

I speak of my relationship with a Female Sociopath, The approximate probability in meeting a female beast variety being 1 in 100, or 1 in 25 for the male .  The perfect analogy for love with a Female Sociopath is like boiling a frog! Why? Because when you first get into the relationship it is perfect, as the water temperature is perfect for the frog. But slowly the water temperature increases undiscernibly, the frog never thinking to get out before it’s too late.-Here is my battle to beat the boil.

 I met this beast online with what was to be a halfhearted effort to meet someone while I was going through a divorce.  I wasn’t interested in her reply, it was only a whim that made me respond  back.

Her writing was exceptionally colourful, warm, almost loving. The water was perfect; I did not want to get out. From past experience, meeting a normal person for the first time it would be uncomfortable at first, the water is cold and it should be. It is normal to be a little anxious meeting someone of the opposite sex for the first time, if not it may be one of a number of red flags to watch out for.

We spoke on the phone 5 or 6 times before we met. Conversations were always charged emotionally, and very nurturing, she would say all the things I would want to hear. The day before we met she quoted poetry that was an excerpt of a romance between two people that had only met via sending letters over the years via mail. 

The implication of the quote, was, how could you love someone without out ever meeting them?  She was setting the stage. The water was perfect-I will admit that I am very romantic and enjoy all the fairytale theatre.. We met at lunch and went out for a picnic  in the middle of nowhere, after which  I got a call to go out of town to meet a customer. As she was with me I asked her if she would come, her big brown eyes were larger than saucers, and she agreed -I have to say she is drop dead gorgeous, with an extra glow because Female Sociopaths have that about them. It was that night she told me “I love you dearly, is it too soon?” I was shocked, but I felt something strong too and reciprocated in kind. The water at this time for the froggy was positively Caribbean..fucking turtles, exotic fish,coral reef, I am never getting out.

 In the morning when it was time to leave from the hotel after a great breakfast, she dropped her mask for a split second:  she just got into her car, sans embrace, and was about to leave. You don’t just leave like that if you ‘love” someone I thought to myself?!?!

Water got warmer, but I did not notice…four times a day she would tell me she was ‘so in love with me’, I was her ‘soul mate’.  She wanted to marry me after a month as she described in our trip to California as we walked down Laguna beach…

 The water started to get warmer when I witnessed a Sociopathic rage over my poor attempt at humour, For someone she alleged to have loved, that anger was so spontaneous and aggressive, with no response to reason either. The storm settled in hours.  Over the next few months I noticed she would text her ex a lot, and right in front of me. I felt that was inappropriate and was a degradation of me and disrespectful-but she was ‘so in love with me’.

I began to notice inconsistencies in what she was telling me, she was not a registered nurse, she was not  married to her ex husband, they lived together, nor did she own her home-she rented. When I confronted her  she explained that she loved me so much and thought I would not take her seriously as I had such a great career, and she did not. I was very much hurt by the lies, and insulted by the thought of her thinking I judge people like that.

 As time passed she would come on road trips with me all over Texas.  One thing I will say, 7 hours in the car was never boring, she was intelligent, and could extrapolate my arguments and turn them right back at me, my head would ache as these discussions became so complex, stimulating and exciting-she was brilliant.  I started to notice when I was stressed more and more she would be indifferent and un-supportive- she became more selfish and distant. She would say she loved me, but her face and body language did not match the words, she would have her back to me instead of her arms around me, she would gaze into space-and ignore me-I felt I needed to work harder to get her attention.

I started to notice lots of drama in her life, her car would breakdown, I would fix it, she was always thrilled how I could figure out what was wrong with her car, and even fix her mother’s car too, I felt appreciated, but in the back of my mind I knew I was being used.  I remember it was the birthday of my two girls and I got a flood of romantic text from her “ love you, want to marry you etc”, she was setting me up…then 45 minutes later she would text, “my sister needs to be driven to the airport in Houston, and needs help paying for her excess baggage fee”…I was being manipulated and used. Any normal person would have noticed the water was too bloody hot and get out, this froggy stayed in..and rationalized all the inconsistencies.

One day she became very distant with me, so much so it was distressing me so much that I could not contain myself, I challenged her,” what is the problem, what could it be? I have never raised my voice, hand or been derogatory to you in anyway whatso ever!!” The truth was calling her any four letter word would have been wholly appropriate because she is them all simultaneously, she responded by demanding I tell my soon to be ex wife that we would marry despite my objection as this would complicate things and cause more upset. Shortly after this she wanted a commit date for our marriage, I gave her 6 months. She was angry- this is when the water was starting to boil-she told me I did not deserve her-she was pulling away.How could I stop this and get her back?

I met her in a jewelry store, where she was paying for small trinkets for her girls. I had a rose ready for her, she was by the checkout, her words to me we not ‘hi’, or  “hello”, as I presented her with a rose, my eyes lit up (with stupidity), her response was: “are you paying“?

 I remember buying her a necklace, spontaneously, for no reason, when I gave it to her she was tepidly grateful. A few days later I received a phone call from her she told me how I bought cheap jewelry as the chain left marks on her neck-I know I am naive and have no clue what is good quality stuff but I thought $40 was a song, she was angry-I became anxious and felt trapped-the woman I left  was much better than her.  If somebody really loves you it would not matter what quality the jewelry was-it’s the thought.

 Shortly after this, she would proclaim I did nothing for her. I was not divorced yet and I did not want to move in with her, despite me still being technically married.  She started to outright ask me for money. I am lucky that she only had received, maximum about a grand out of me..Giving someone money like this is something I do not like to do, I have worked and saved to hard.  At this point it became constant arguments “you don’t understand me” she would be distant, and I would fight to “get her back”. I could not comprehend what I could have done to deserve this..and then the bomb came..

 She told me she had met someone, she could not wait any longer for me, she needed health insurance as she had cancer, and her kids needed a father.  I was surprised how advanced the relationship was already as she was telling me for the first time—I could swear she was juggling us both not to be at the house at the same time…I was devastated and humiliated. Her clever plot for me to tell my ex backed me into a corner  whereas I could not easily back down. How could I explain to all: the woman I was to marry is marring someone else for health insurance…The only thing I knew was to preserve my integrity, and try to fight and get her back or face humiliation…the water is at 200f almost scolding. At his point she was so abusive to me, the mask was off, she was degrading and insulting. The circumstance was so sick, I could not even bring myself to tell anyone….She wanted to marry this poor target for health insurance and live with me, She also wanted to  show up at corporate events with him so his employer would not expect marriage fraud…

This is where silly froggy gets out the water..If I had stayed the abuse would have killed me, it was horrible, I was drained every day. I did not sleep, I took anti-anxiety medication, and sleeping pills…I emailed her to fuck off and never contact me again..From then on every three months I would get emails and a text telling me how much she loved me.  I also knew her new husband was beating her, and distressing her children with violence same as her last husband and previous boyfriend in her life.  I kept responding to her request to meet me. Incredible, after three months of marriage she wanted a divorce, I wanted closure to the pain she had caused me-I could not understand why the pain was so much!!! I had broken up with women before, this was pure agony-Every time I met her it was the same abuse…”pay for my divorce”. On my birthday last year, she told me to fuck off with such hatred in her voice, because I could not hear her properly over the phone, such a nice thing to say. This birthday was worse, no card no effort, nothing from her-but this was a different birthday, a rebirth of a different sort.  Before I met her I did all my homework on what a Sociopath is, what they do, what they say and how they act:

 Red Flag list: She was 1 hour late (first red flag: Sociopaths are late and unreliable) , no card, no gift, (Red Flag:  you make all the effort in a sociopath relationship), She was angry with me for questioning her being empty handed, and tried to blame me. (Red Flag Sociopath deflection, Red flag sociopath irritability), She made a facile attempt to pay the bill at the restaurant. She told me she loved me with an emotionless face,( Red Flag Sociopath hyperbolizes emotions)  was detached and indifferent to it being my birthday, without any clue how selfish she was.

The truth is, this froggy had Tela’s Sociopath check list with him,  and when we met on my birthday this year there was more red flags than a fucking West Ham Millwall game, I was happy, fucking yes, this froggy did not get boiled to death in the water but instead got out….

 When you meet a woman romantically, initially it should be a little awkward, cold water, never perfect. It should be a red flag, if that water is warm. You could boil to death not noticing the small incremental changes until your heart and soul are gone and you have to stay immersed to foolishly fight for what you can never get back or ever had. Causing you to die in the process. If the water is warm, swim like fuck use the ladder and get out the water-she is probably a sociopath.

 When you are with someone you love, it’s about you, its about her, reciprocation, supporting each other, punctuated by momnets of occasional selfishness, the occasional bump in the road.  You are happy, this girl makes you happy-once in a blue moon you are ticked off-but thats normal.

 As apposed to going to bed at night with a warm feeling inside, your mind is swimming; you are anxious, uncertain insecure, drained by an emotional vacuum. You have speant all day trying to understand them-yet she tells you you’re  clueless. You are unrewarded for hours of patience only to be rebuked, the other half of the day is speant explaining boundaries, conducts in behavior that an adolescent should understand-yet she is an adult in her 30’s-This is what love is from a Female Sociopath -so complicated!!!! Yet if it’s fellow empath love is simple-your happy with the occational “oh bollocks I left my dishes out”.

 If you are reading this and it helps, I am happy-My story although bleak has a good ending, to the extent that my recovery has been very fast at 8 weeks-I still have lingering sleep problems, but I no longer see the world as a  sterile black and white, but In colour,You will heal-it’s a guarantee your found this website-therefore you’re on the right track-keep going!!

 p.s ask me any question that’s on your mind and I will do my best to answer. JJK




12 Responses to “Female Sociopath Love”

  1. Alive

    My abusers name was serge Markov born dec 24 1988 now 27 years old beware he lives in Toronto Ontario his mothers name is Elena Markova and father in Moscow andrei


  2. AL

    I can’t help but noticing an enormous amount of similarities with your story and mine. Question, how long did you stay with her and how long did it take you to realize things were not “adding up”?

    As for myself, same story, what she saw in me was a lottery ticket that she wanted to cash in. Tough luck, I didn’t let this happen. The funny story is that I broke up with her first and for 3 weeks she tried to reel me back in, until she found someone new and then she couldn’t help but flaunt him everywhere and try to rub it on my face…. pathetic fools. I have been out for 8 months now and things cleared up quickly.

    I guess somehow I am still angry at myself sometimes for having stayed that long (a year…) with someone where I knew from the start that there was something off… but somehow, I felt in love deeply with this woman…

    Thanks for sharing your story. It makes us all realize how they all act and speak the same way.



    • JJK

      Al I have to say that after the for 48 hours I knew things did not add up, but I did not know the danger I was in, and how she would trap me in a corner as I described in my story. I had a good year out of her before her mask dropped, and she gleefully ran off with someone else..I spent another year being tortured by her.

      I chose to ignore the red flags. I definitely would not be angry with your self, you were the victim of a perfectly executed act of emotional fraud, and you are still here. Think how Bernie Madoff’s (also a sociopath) victim’s feel, they lost billions. As for the sociopath I was with, her latest victim assaulted her child, although no excuse, she drove him to have complete leave of his mind. He is now in prison on felony charges. I am glad you are recovering, have your mind and freedom, these people can take it all from you!

      I hope I answered your question


      • AL

        Have we dated the same girl? lol. Same thing here, her masked dropped exactly after one year when I pointed out how much of a non-sense she had become and how selfish she was and that things were not adding up. Again, the frog in the boiling water is the perfect analogy.

        Once I left her, she couldn’t help but her her revenge by letting me know how happy and fulfilled she was, although I blocked her from everywhere, she still managed to contact me…

        Again, I am impressed by how much I can relate to your story!


      • JJK

        Al, It could have been the same girl. She had brown eyes, brown hair, and upon very careful examination, about a year, you can see the devils horns coming out of her head-do we have a match? One more thing, she does not like garlic, sunlight or fried chicken.


      • A male victim who has been stung

        Yes indeed, but his name triggerd me…Madoff…Made Off by stabbing everyone in their back, and look at the tragic results….he should be in North Korea, one of their labor camps versus the US.


  3. afterthepsychopath

    Thank you for sharing, both of you.

    I related so much to the boiling frog analogy… unfortunately I stayed in my water until evaporation…

    It isn’t so easy to know at what temperature to leave. People have bad days. They should be excused. It is a normal, compassionate thing to do. We can’t leave a partner just because of one bad day. Nor two. Nor tree. Unfortunately, the bad days never end for narcissists. 😦

    Liked by 1 person

    • JJK

      Hello afterthepsychopath;
      People do have good and bad days, but the difference is, and why we are all here communicating via this site, is that the best of us are deceived, and do not recognize that with the sociopath narcissist, that one bad day will part of an never ending litany of lies, deception, excuses, and misery for us. We all have bad days, but its not every day..

      I hope you are well and happy!!

      Liked by 1 person

      • afterthepsychopath

        I’m better, thank you! 😀 It’s been a tough year, but I’ll be fine, I think (hope). Parts of me seem to be gone forever, but we’ll see, maybe a better me will emerge and I’ll appreciate life more after knowing what some people lack? The hardest part for me, has been to accept that narcissists exist. It feels fundamentally wrong, as if all of humanity is wronged… It goes against all my naive beliefs that people want others to feel good and be happy. A complete shock.

        A question for you: Do you think female and male narcissists are different? I wonder if there might be more overt male narcissist and more covert female narcissists, and that that is the reason more men are said to be narcissists, as the covert type is harder to spot. Still, your narcissist seems to have been of the overt type, and my (male) narcissist psychopath was the covert type, so it’s not 1:1. 🙂


      • JJK

        Dear Ms afterthepsychopath:
        I think you are saying you find it hard to believe people want to hurt others? We have always known there are bad people in the world, but now we have a label for a group of them and a pattern of behavior we can look out for-and thus better prepared.
        “… It goes against all my naive beliefs that people want others to feel good and be happy. A complete shock.”

        “Do you think female and male narcissists are different? I wonder if there might be more overt male narcissist and more covert female narcissists, and that that is the reason more men are said to be narcissists, as the covert type is harder to spot”
        I am new to this subject so I hope my answer is both accurate and helpful (Tela: please opine if I am wrong)
        The beast I was with was a self-admitted “partial” sociopath, if there is such a thing, when I confronted her. I do not know much about narcissism, only to the extent all sociopaths are narcissists. I think women sociopaths/narcissists start out very covert as did mine, they may stay covert longer than males till the mask comes off. Men are naturally more aggressive than females, but I believe they all end up overt and degrade and discard, which by its action is overt. Women NS’s spend lots of time on appearances, are craftier than you could ever believe, are very emotional and charming-just puling you ion, with men that testosterone comes out and thus the overt nature much sooner.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Tela

        JJk, your fairly accurate that over time ALL end up being overt. That is part of their sick mind {and the true core of them}. They do not display this behaviour early on as it is usually never accepted as appropriate ie: the cutting remarks, the control factor, the lack of empathy and so on.

        Liked by 1 person

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