A Healing & Informative Site About Narcissistic Sociopaths

Denial

You have searched the internet for answers to a multitude of questions. You are trying to make sense of the insensible. You have run out of excuses for behaviour and words. And now you find yourself in denial.

Denial-is-the-beginning-of-the-end.

 

When the stark reality of the person you fell in love with meets most, if not all of the criteria of a Narcissistic Sociopath your first instinct is denial. You tell yourself ‘no, they are not really that much of a liar‘, or ‘maybe they did tell me they would be gone x-amount of time’, or even ‘maybe they are just going through a life-crisis’. Followed by the ‘if’s’ if only you said this, if only you did that, if only…….these ‘if’s’ are actually denial. 

You are finding it next to impossible to understand how someone you loved so deeply, cared about so intensely could just turn their feelings off, walk away, or treat you so unkind. How, when you were together so long could you not see that almost from moment one your relationship was doomed? A Sociopath is daily pulling out of you and the relationship what they need, while never truly giving back or engaging in a loving, committed relationship. I wrote in this post how you are constantly pouring emotions, finances, etc into the relationship with your Sociopath, to how they methodically & systemically wear you down, and ultimately end the relationship. When the reality of what you have just been through starts to become clear, denial sets in.  You just do not want to believe that person actually has a label. You want so desperately to believe you can ‘fix’ them. You plead to them your understanding, you tell them continually how much you love them, you may even be willing to accept their reckless and emotionally destructive behaviour. Or you tell yourself you feel you were placed in their life to help them.

Unless your Sociopath is first, willing to admit they do in fact have an Anti-Social Personality Disorder, and second, willing to get professional help, and third, you must be willing to attend therapy to help you better understand, put boundaries in place, and to help you better cope with the Sociopath, you will never ‘fix’ them. There is no medication they can take. And the relationship will just continue to repeat the same patterns and behaviour. The most important thing for you, is not to live in a state of denial. Read and educate yourself. As I have said in most of my post, do not blame yourself.  That is so easy to do as you feel as if you would have done more, gave more, said more, the relationship would still be good. Sadly, that is not the case. You will never change who or what they are. Period.

don’t get burned twice by the same flame    christian kondo

©SociopathLife.com

17 Responses to “Denial”

    • Tela

      Kristina, it is completely natural for you to fight the denial, as your heart still loves him, you miss him, and at the same time your head is telling you the truth!! You have made it 7+ months now!! You can do this!!!!!!

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  1. betternotbroken

    I am happy to say, that I have finally reached a point where I have stopped reading about personality disorders and sociopaths. Finally some focus to my children and career. With that said, I will always check in with you Tela as I have no intention of ever going back into that particular corner of hell again. Denial = the former me. I embodied it, I could not comprehend what I had gotten myself into and could not understand why someone would not “snap out of it” and will himself into a healthy survivor. Always a good refresher to read your work Tela.

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  2. 18mitzvot

    This is a great post, Tela. It’s like you were spying inside our heads and knew what lame excuse we were going to come up with next! I love it. There is no way to continue the Denial when you put it like you did. Keep telling us like it is.

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    • Tela

      Thank you for the comment….we as loving, compassionate individuals resort to denial to protect ourselves. It’s easier that way, but the sooner we come to accept the person and the relationship for what it was, the sooner you can begin the healing process. As you know so well, and document so spot on and eloquently on your blog!

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  3. hipmonkey

    Not only did I marry and stay with a sociopath for 28 years, I see my kids doing the same thing and I see it everywhere. It’s too common. Culture must produce these people (fear based egotism).

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    • Tela

      Thank you David, as always I appreciate your comments from a man’s perspective. And I agree with you, I see more and more of society displaying Sociopath behaviour. Is it ‘fear based egotism’? Or has society/media/entertainment instilled if you ‘don’t look a certain way’ if you don’t wear certain clothes etc. then a person has a fear of humiliation, outcast etc. There are constantly studies going on trying to determine onset of Anti-Social Personality Disorder

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    • Tela

      Thank you AofA…I think all of us try and ‘fix’ ourselves as we were silently stripped of who we were prior to them.

      Liked by 1 person

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    • Tela

      Thank you for your comment. It is not ‘simples really’. When you are involved with a person {Sociopath}, they have an ability to portray someone they are not. They will fill your head with all the right sayings, appear to be your soul-mate and so on. By the time you realize there is something truly wrong, most people are already in love, married, living together and so on.

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