A Healing & Informative Site About Narcissistic Sociopaths

Breaking The Bond

………one minute, one hour, one day at a time.

How many times have you sat there thinking ‘if only’, ‘why did they, and ‘how can I’? Focusing on these questions, and several more gets you nowhere. How do you get to the point to where you can once and for all let go of all the deep feelings of love, wanting and needing? How do you replace the constant thoughts about your ex?

The first and most important step is to recognize & accept, you are/were not involved with a person who is emotionally connected to LIFE as you know it. They are constantly on the outside looking in, without being able to connect with a conscience. With you accepting that your Sociopath will never, ever understand what their words and behaviour has done, is completely unacceptable.  No matter how much love, compassion, understanding , empathy, you have for them, you cannot ‘fix’ them. You cannot make them feel love on the same level as you. You will not make them accept accountability. When they open their mouths, be assured more lies and deceit will come rolling out.

Why do they not recognize what they are doing is so damaging, causing life long deep seated scars? Equate it to this, just as much as you know their words and behaviour is wrong, is as much as they believe it to be right.  You have had countless hours upon hours of conversation with them, trying to get them to understand what they are doing is hurtful! More hours of conversations wanting answers. Only to be given more convoluted bullshit which sucks you right back into crazy. You open your heart to them, given them the benefit of the doubt, hanging onto every words as if they have finally seen the light and now will be honest. Don’t fool yourself. A narcissistic sociopath has no idea how honesty works. Remember, they are in a perpetual state of moving forward, conning the next victim at the same time cutting them down so they are superior.

The only way to stop your perpetual state of going nowhere, is to accept what they are, a person with an anti-social personality disorder. This is an illness, one you cannot ‘heal’, ‘fix’ or ‘repair’. Most all Narcissist and Sociopaths will deny anything is wrong with them, it is/was of course always your fault. It takes a huge amount of self perseverance, mental and emotional strength to walk away from them. Ask yourself, by staying with this person, what are you gaining? How is this person helping you to grow? Or are they continually sucking the life out of you?

As hard as it may be to understand right now today, you will be able to see them for who they are, and walk away. Take the knife out of your heart they put there, stop the bleeding, and cut the string to them.

“Relationships are like glass. Sometimes it’s better to leave them broken than try to hurt yourself putting it back together.”

©SociopathLife.com

31 Responses to “Breaking The Bond”

  1. Emily Court

    Love is so much more than the crumbs the abusive and sociopathic ex has thrown at you! The pain of letting go of that relationship, and facing the difficult truths, cannot compare to the adventure, joy, real love and excitement life has to offer!

    Like

    Reply
    • Tela

      Thank you Emily for your comment. And your so right about Love being more than the mere crumbs the Sociopath offers! It is a beautiful feeling when you are out from under the darkness of them!

      Like

      Reply
  2. revgerry

    Hi Tela, Just came by to say hi. And I don’t know what it is in us that wants to believe what someone is saying when we know it is, um, BS. Worse I wonder what it is in us that thinks “If Only” (I had done something different) he would love me. Take care of yourself my dear. Love your honesty. Hugs, gerry

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    Reply
  3. She Sat Still

    Teela, that’s intense reckoning you’re talking about. (I’ll be writing soon too. I have not disappeared.) You’re writing important things. The triage post was heavy. How difficult to see such.

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    Reply
    • James

      Hello Ms She Sat Still. What has made breaking the bond easier for me is reading about the mental disorder, searching the web, almost obsessively, learning everything. I now know there are no what ifs, there is nothing I could do to save or fix anything-in fact there was no bond at all. It made it easy for me. Obviously if you are here your in the right place. The only way is up 🙂

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      Reply
      • She Sat Still

        Me too. It’s been a big big big bunch of activity here for weeks. Graduation, exams…….Now our family has summer! So, writing soon. I hope you’re well.

        Like

  4. James

    Day two no contact, I realize the beast is not a real person, and it was an illusion. So it is ridiculous to think if I just…it would have worked..Its probably just as futile as building a wall of sand at the beech in an attempt to block the tide…

    What good is that I do not have to trouble my mind unraveling twisted phone calls-and trust me I have more patience than a heard of bloody elephants, and after three years I made no progress in any explanation..I must be crazy wasting the time-I dread the contact-stay away from me, leave my mind in peace..your just a conglomerate of organic cells..

    Pick up the phone-poison the mind…no contact.sticking to

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply
  5. betternotbroken

    I read an article calling it (sociopathic narcissism) a personality versus an illness. You can’t “fix” personality and they have no incentive to fix it themselves as they feel just fine. That made all the difference to me, not that years of abuse didn’t do the trick of letting him “go.” Well spoken as usual Tela, thank you Teela for reblogging it, I miss so many posts in the Reader. It is very much a perpetual state of going nowhere.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    • Tela

      Thank you Betternotbroken for you comment. I think as compassionate, loving individuals we don’t necessarily try and ‘fix’ them, we just want them to understand their behaviour is destructive and damaging.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
      • betternotbroken

        Yes, I guess after years of trying to understand I am just at the acceptance stage that they are who they are and I understand that as opposed to understanding why sociopaths exist or why they choose to be who they are although I know some people argue they cannot chose. When I looked at narcissism/sociopathic behavior as an “illness” it prevented me from accepting that it would not change and it also prompted me to be a caregiver. Yet I could not find a cure, treatment would not be accepted and I could not “manage” his symptoms as he was out to destroy me and there was no reason for it, end of story.

        Liked by 1 person

    • Tela

      Thank you Alienorajt for you comment, and also the re-tweet! No tears! Unless they are happy tears D: xx

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  6. LAMarcom

    “Tela and Teela”
    Or, if you will: “T’N’T”

    An explosively unstoppable force.
    (I mean that sincerely Y’all: not being flippant here.)

    Y’all are the best!
    Rock On!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  7. Teela Hart

    Reblogged this on Teela Hart and commented:
    I spent 19 years “hanging on every word” believing EVERY TIME he finally got it and I cannot tell you how good if feels to be on the other side of it.
    Thank you Tela. This is a must read.
    Get out and go on. Please.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  8. Teela Hart

    I hope you don’t mind but I want to re-blog this.
    I spent 19 years “hanging on every word believing EVERY TIME he finally got it and I cannot tell you how good if feels to be on the other side of it.
    As always
    Great post

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  9. LAMarcom

    “This is an illness: one you cannot fix, heal, or repair…”

    Yes.

    Just like alcoholism.
    But, one need not play doctor.
    One needs to just suffer the loss and move on; (don’t throw good money after bad…) for if you do not take care of yourself first, then you are of no use to anyone, especially yourself.

    Great post Tela.

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply
    • Tela

      Thank you Lance~ it’s the recognizing and accepting the loss to be able to move on. Very painful to do because as you know. Your so right about taking care of yourself first~ most people who have been involved with a Sociopath have given all of themselves to their partner/spouse/parent that there is little left to give to their self.

      Liked by 2 people

      Reply

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