A Healing & Informative Site About Narcissistic Sociopaths

Hasta La Vista, Baby

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.” albert einstein

Your goal is to leave your Narcissist Sociopath. How do you go about doing this, with the least amount of warfare? Think back to when you met them, how quickly the relationship progressed. How blindly you were sucked into their world of crazy. You will move the same way in leaving.

  • Make yourself understand that this is the best and right thing to do. You have been living in a perpetual state of unhappiness and pain, along with a  continual deliberate & methodical attack on your personality. How long do you want to continue? So once you make the decision to leave, stick with it!! That is the very first step, without being 100% certain, you will never achieve the goal of leaving. With certainty comes clarity.
  • You will need to tell a trusted friend and/or family members of your intention to leave the abusive relationship. These people will need to understand the necessity that the sociopath is not made aware of your goal. 
  • Financial plan: money is a means to an end. Do you have a job? Can you afford to live on your own? Take a good look at your financial situation and what you can and cannot do. Reach out to whomever you need to so they can help you execute your plan in leaving. Whatever your financial situation at the moment is, does not mean it will stay that way! Plan accordingly! Leaving the abuse is what you are doing in the short term, once away from the narcissist sociopath you will re-evaluate your finances and plan accordingly.
  • Living arrangement plan: Where are you going to live? If you have to leave the home, start looking into renting an apartment or condo. Or if you have a friend you can move in with on the short term (until you can move into your own place). If you are staying in the home, and the Narcissist Sociopath has to leave, you will need to have that happen in one day! Yes, I said one day! While they are at work, or out screwing around  doing whatever they do outside the home. Pack their clothes, personal item, etc. in boxes, tapped up and ready to go. Have new locks ready to be installed once they leave for the day. If you have an alarm, change the code, same with the garage door opener. Be prepared for a world war when they get back. You may want to have family and/or friends present so you do not have to face the Sociopath alone. You may also need to put into place a protective order if the abuser threatens you. Do not let fear get in the way of rational thinking! This is also when the no contact is put into place.
  • The mind game plan: now you are away from the sociopath and your mind starts to tell you ‘maybe you made a mistake’, ‘maybe i should have tried one more time to work it out’ etc. Or the sociopath contacts you (because you did not stick with the no contact), and professes their unending love, and how sorry  they are this happened. Or, they may even threaten you if you do not let them back in the home, or if you do not get back into the relationship. When this happens, you have to tell yourself over, and over, and over, and over one more time why you left to begin with.  Their tears, their professions of love, the threats are all about control! You need to control your own mind, and be stronger than the sociopath.

These are suggestions to help you move forward into a mentally and emotionally healthy environment. If you have children, further plans will need to be in place for your to reach your goal. There is not one person who can tell you what to do, only you can make the choice to leave and put the plans into place. Just understand, you are not alone. You may need to reach out to your states Health & Human Services and/or Domestic Violence Help Guide, which has listing for the US, and a Worldwide Directory of Services. Trusted family and friends…..the first step is setting a goal. 

Leave the past behind as there is no future in it. 

©SociopathLife.com

10 Responses to “Hasta La Vista, Baby”

  1. Anne

    Tela, thank you for your prompt reply.

    The worse part is… my ex husband also has a personality disorder. After 17 years of marriage, we’ve been apart for 8 years now. We have a son who is my life. Ex is “heavily” passive-aggressive; god do I know.

    My son just turned 16; I feel we have a good relationship. I’m the primary parent. Which often means I’m often the “bad guy” because I look after everything. His welfare, everything about school (his father is never involved; doesn’t ask about his report card, never attends parent teacher night. Even some of his teachers have asked me what role he has in his life.” So by looking after everything, I often seem to be a pain in the ass… I remember being 16. When he spends time with his father, which is mostly weekends, then it’s rock’N roll…. not much responsibility there and just having fun.

    I’m now finding out that his father is exercising “hostile parent behaviour”, one of the most aggressive child abuse ever. He is badmouthing me to my son. Telling his him horror stories about me, including that I have mental problems, among other things… who knows what else.

    My son is so mixed up; he loves us both. Just last week, we were talking and he was so upset and looked at me and said: “I just don’t know who to trust anymore”. He is a very sensitive young man and doesn’t want to hurt anyone. It’s braking my heart. I can’t tell him how his father is. He just turned 16…. he needs to enjoy his life and not worry about adult problems; he’ll have enough to worry about soon.

    This evening, I feel this sociopath jerkoff I’m dealing with is so insignificant… I’m more concerned about my son and what he’s learning from his father. In other words, dealing with another sociopathic jerkoff…. except it hurts more because it’s affecting my son.

    Broken hearted mom…

    S.

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    Reply
    • Tela

      Hi Anne, your son is definitely going through some difficulty with a father who exhibits hostile parent behaviour! And…..also the teen years, peer pressure and so on. Have you though of counseling for him, or for you two together? As you know you cannot control what comes out of the father’s mouth, only provide a safe/unconditional loving home for your son. The ‘he said/she said’ has got to stop. I would recommend when your son does talk to you about his father that you remain very neutral {even though you probably want to agree or disagree with everything he says}. Let your son know he can confide in you, don’t pass judgement and let him share his feelings without fear of retribution, shame etc. And yes, you probably are the ‘bad guy’ but your son will have the utmost respect for you when he’s a bit older! We were all 16 at one time, I know, kids don’t think we know what we are talking about!!! 😀 😀

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      Reply
  2. eoftheu2014

    So very true and on point, Tela! A relationship with a narcissist is purely 50 shades of screwed up. It just is not worth the pain, the aggravation and mind games. I am finally in ‘no contact’. It took me months to get here but I’m there. I did it on my own time and now there is no pain, no grief. I simply don’t wish to talk or engage in my mess-and-a-half any longer, not another day. Whenever I think I may be missing him, I quickly switch gears and remember (with anger) all the crappy things he did, all the crappy things I allowed AND his last and final coup de grâce. Did you know that coup de grâce means “a death blow to end the suffering of a severely wounded person”? How apropos! Done, Finished and feeling just fine!

    Great post Tela! Thank you, you are an inspiration!

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    Reply
    • Tela

      Thank you for your comment! I was happy to see you back on WP 😀 I miss your post about ‘mess and a half’ …any mess and a half! You are correct, the relationship with these individuals are definitely 50 shades+ of screwed up!

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      Reply
    • Tela

      Thank you Ideationms. I appreciate your kind words, they give me inspiration {and my own strength} 😀

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      Reply
      • S.

        Hello Tela,
        It’s been over 4 years. Today, I felt like I lost my mind. I acted irrational all day. Cancelled two meetings and accomplished nothing through my work day.

        He did just that. Texted me, I replied, we exchanged a few messages and he pulled a hoodini.
        I am building up so much hatred for that man. Yet, I feel like he’s some kind of cheap drug I’m addicted to. His lies and deceit and pretence are endless.

        I need help to dump this chump once and for all. I have such difficulty with the nc.

        : (

        Like

      • Tela

        Hello S. Thank you for your comment. It is so very difficult with the no contact, and like I have stated elsewhere, sometimes it takes many, many, many times before you finally realize you just cannot do it anymore. Nothing positive is coming out of the contact. Even though you still love him, miss him. Try not to be so hard on yourself, yes, easier said than done.

        Like

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