A Healing & Informative Site About Narcissistic Sociopaths

I Love It When You Call Me A Bitch

…….like it’s a bad thing!

This is just one of a litany of colourful words a narcissist sociopath will use. Their vocabulary can be quite eloquent at times. However, when they are caught in a lie, feel like they are loosing control, or ready to be done with you, a whole other vocabulary comes out. Remember the hearts & flowers conversations at the beginning of the relationship? They were establishing a bank full of information only to be cashed out and used against you later.

So why do we keep going back? Why is it so difficult to walk away, or leave a narcissist and sociopath? They have an ability to prey on our emotions, our mental and spiritual stability, and our sense of self-worth. They can build you up, only to rip your heart to shreds. When they call you names, it is as if you need to defend the verbal warfare. When you are told you are ‘this, or that’, when your morals are attacked, when they talk about your friends & family & sometimes children in an attacking way, you once again want to defend them. This can make you feel like your crazy. You are not crazy!! When the smallest of things can set them into an intense anger, or when their own character is questioned ,this can send them into a  narcissistic rage. All of this is so puzzling and can be extremely brutal. Living with a person who has a Personality Disorder (aptly named) is difficult, mentally consuming and emotionally exhausting.

One reason it is difficult to walk away is they use projection on us. Meaning, all the flaws within themselves that they don’t want to accept they project onto us. i.e. ‘I’m not a sociopath, you are’, ‘I’m not the one with low morals, you are’, ‘everyone can see you are the one who has issues’, and so on. After a while your mind has a hard time understanding what is actually projection and what is a true distorted image they have of you. When this happens we start to question ‘am the crazy one’? Again, you are not. We stay to try and show them they are completely wrong about us. We also stay because the love you feel for them is real! You have the compassion and sympathy. You can see that they are truly struggling inside and you want to help them. You have seen the demons that live in them, and at times feel totally helpless as no human should endure so much emotional and mental chaos. But that is the chaos that they project back to you! Another reason you have difficulty letting go is you believe that your partner really is a good person underneath. They don’t just have mood swings, or bad days, this is who and what they are. So all your wishing for them to change, all your words of understanding and compassion to them are wasted. If there was a pill for these people to take, there would be more drug companies making zillions of dollars. But there is no magic pill. There are no words you can speak to them. Once you understand, truly understand, you cannot ‘fix’ them, will you then be able to walk away. Painful yes! Because you keep thinking ‘if only’…… The sociopath can also make you feel an exorbitant amount of guilt for leaving them. Again, this is the projection they use on you. Why take on that guilt when all they have done is methodically destroy your life as you knew it prior to them? At what point will you put up your hands, shield your heart and take no more from them? How many times do you need to be called a bitch, like it’s a bad thing?

Some people believe holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength. However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go and then do it.   ann landers

©sociopathlife.com

16 Responses to “I Love It When You Call Me A Bitch”

  1. aveline07

    Was redirected to this post from someone else’s’ re-blog. This is right on and bringing up memories. This is exactly why no/minimal contact is clearing my head now…he can project to a wall…thanks for this.

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    • Tela

      Thank you Aveline for your comment. Once we are away from the constant abuse, and put in place the no contact, we start to see them more clearly. I hope you will be able to continue on your healing, and with no contact from you abuser! Hugs to you.

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  2. StrongerSoulSurvivor

    Oh, so familiar. My abusive ex was brilliant at donning the victim hat – gaslighting at its most crazy-making! And calling me a bitch that didn’t love him enough was one of his favourite meltdown rants – usually triggered whenever he had done something absolutely terrible.

    You are right to point out that it is impossible to fix them, because they do not believe themselves to be broken – and never will. Thank you.

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  3. ideationms

    This is exactly why I cant even watch those so called “romance” movies. Then are almost always abusive, controlling, manipulative. And we are supposed to believe it is true love. Ugh.

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  4. Teela Hart

    “you call me a freak, like that means somethin” I LOVE that song. Halestorm got me through some serious anger issues caused by EVERYTHING you mentioned here. Yet again, awesome post. ❤
    Now on to business…. 😉

    I would be delighted if you accept the “I am part of the Word Press Family Award”
    http://shaunynews.wordpress.com/2014/03/27/i-am-part-of-the-word-press-family-award/ (creator of the award)
    This is a VERY EASY Award, just pick 10 people. I ask you keep the quote in. If you are pressed and can't get to it just pass it on. 🙂

    It took me over a month to get to it… :/

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    • Tela

      Thank you for the Re-Blog. And for your son’s to be subjected to verbal abuse is just as damaging as physical abuse. The only difference is you cannot see the wounds/scars. And as far as reverting to swearing, the sociopath is unable to have any sort of logical argument or debate! EVER! 🙂 If you notice, it is all about projection blame, fault and excuses back onto you.

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  5. Mandy

    Teela, the other night I was watching a show on TV and I swear, the guy was exactly as you described in this post! It was disgusting. The woman was having a mental break down bawling as he yelled at her, “You just won’t stop fighting with me!” “You MAKE me crazy!” “You’re such a bitch!” I thought I’d go nuts listening to him. I’m so glad you’ve become such a strong woman–you help so many people bringing awareness about these nutcases!

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    • Tela

      Thank you Mandy. I have heard so much garbage, false accusations, colourful explanations of how he viewed me from my Ex’s mouth on to numerous occasions that anymore I an immune to it. Meaning, I have such a low tolerance of over-inflated ego’s and bullshit 🙂 Years of education could not ‘protect’ me from abuse. I don’t know if it was a blessing or a curse! But, I do know, it takes a hell of a lot of strength and courage and needing/wanting to walk away from these sick twisted people. Our hearts and heads want to continually make excuses for them! We fool ourselves into thinking we can save them from themselves. But all that does is put us into their spin cycle of bullshit.

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      • Mandy

        I’m SO glad you reached that place of lack of any tolerance for it! I’ve been thinking about why I am really good at the BS detector, yet I’ve put up with so much of it. I think it might be that if your parents are responsible for formulating that initial bit of self-confidence (and they DON’T cuz they were the bad guys), it makes it so hard to believe in what you know is right. (I get pissed off at myself-a lot.) In later years I just isolated to avoid the BS. It seemed easier–but that’s probably just giving in in a different way. . .

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