A Healing & Informative Site About Narcissistic Sociopaths

A Controlling Narcissistic Sociopath

Control is what feeds a Narcissist, Sociopath and Psychopath. Control to them is like the feeling of love we have. Love is a purpose in living, it is inherent in everything we do. The difference between the Narcissist Sociopath is their control equates to this:

  • “if you loved me you would……..”
  • compromising who you are ~ the sociopath will say things to make you change your mind, beliefs, lifestyle, thought process. They get inside your head and start controlling you. There is always compromise with couples, this is not to be confused with control!
  • lust ~ the sociopath will instill not only a physical but mental lust under their control. The mental lust is you are constantly wanting approval from them. You are needing validation as an important part of the relationship. You are lusting for equality with them.

How do they go about this control? As with everything they do, its methodical, and constantly in motion.

  • they will make you co-dependent on them. When they exhibit fake their emotions of tenderness it draws you closer. you hang on to their words of kindness, their actions of caring {which are all fake}, their lies that they will change.
  • they will be the perfect partner. appear to be adaptable to any situation. soothe your frustrations. compliment you often
  • convincing with their lies stories of how you will never want for anything, and they will take care of you {and kids if you have them}. they will be the great provider {not only financially, but sexually & emotionally}.

This is a very short list of ways they gain control of you. Once they have you where they want you, and if you start to question their lies, their unacceptable behavior, the flippant attitude now towards you, they will start to apply pressure to keep that control. And again, this is done in a methodical, most often verbal way:

  • they will text and/or call you continuously. these text and phone calls will be the Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde sort. If you don’t respond there are even more text and calls. If you do respond, and not in the way they wanted, then the messages and calls become attacking.
  • putting blackmail into place. they may call your family and tell them they are worried about you that something is not right and your mentally not well. they may threaten you with something you told them in confidence.
  • they will talk to your friends  behind your back, putting pressure on them to have limited contact with you, {so that you can work on the relationship}…which equates to they are wanting total control over your social life
  • will become the greatest spy you ever knew. they will search every ends of the internet, social media, etc trying to find every single thing out about you they can {to be used as a controlling factor against you}.
  • will try and make you believe the lies they have told you about yourself…this is done with repeated verbal and mental abuse wearing your defenses down.
  • will become a stalker; shows up where you eat lunch, hacks into your social media accounts, email account, will show up at your job {because they know you will not make a scene at work}, will show up randomly and unexpectedly at your home.

After all the above, and even more is done, you now find yourself alone. You are frightened of the blackmail so you conform to the narcissists demands. You stop communicating with your friends out of embarrassment or fear. You isolate yourself from your family so they do not see what is actually going on and you don’t know how to get out.

Recognize these traits and more in the person you are with! The only way out is taking back control of your life!  And it is very painful, and very difficult, but it is very do-able if you set your mind to it! 😀 The first step is admitting what type of person you are involved with,  and then accepting that! Do not make anymore excuses for them. Make a list on how to get out, or get away from them and start putting into motion that list. Your sanity depends on it!

“He who controls others may be powerful, but he who has mastered himself is mightier still.”       

Tao Te Ching 


13 Responses to “A Controlling Narcissistic Sociopath”

  1. Kitkat

    I’m embarrassed to say…but a lot of these Ive done myself..especially the spy part. Because my psychopath compulsively lied I always felt like I had to stay ahead of him or find proof of his lies. I tried to get him to stop his addictions (drinking, porn, flirting), I told him he was mentally not well and convinced him to go to a therapist…which only made him better able to cover up and put on a more clever disguise. Is what I did wrong? I didnt trust him at all and was grabbing at whatever control I could have…because I felt like I was spiraling into a black hole of lies and confusion….


    • Tela

      Thank you KitKat for your comment. I understand about the ‘spying’, as like you said, you wanted to be one step ahead of him. They are pathological liars. Period. No, what you did was not wrong…..it was a fight or flight for you. Once you truly recognize that no matter what you said or did, nothing would have/will change him. As long as you stay with him or maintain contact, you will continue that spiraling into HELL.


  2. BrooklinSmash

    This post was like reading a description of my ex-boyfriend. Even though we’ve been broken up since 2012, he still has tried to manipulate me and have some kind of control over my emotions. Recently I just broke down and cried because I couldn’t take him doing this to me any more. I thought trying to ignore him would work but it didn’t. I’ve had to block him on all social media and my phone. I know I should have done those things when we first broke up- but he was always good at fucking with my head.
    I’m still working through all the damage he’s done. I truly appreciate every thing you write on here. ❤



    Interesting article. A simple test when you are questioning someone possible sociopathic character is by doing the yawn test. If someone is able to empathize they will yawn after you do. The old saying is yawning is contagious. Sociopathic individuals can only fake empathy… The reciprocated yawn is an automatic response in most people.


  4. hipmonkey

    It took me 28 years to finally get out. I tried therapy for years and it didn’t change her – LOL!!! But it helped me a lot. I learned ”the opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference.” When I actually no longer cared, I was free.


      • hipmonkey

        10 years of therapy. Embarrassing, but I just couldn’t have gotten there without the right therapist – I owe her my life, may she RIP.


      • Tela

        that is not embarrassing! This is what many people need to do so as to get out from under the sick twisted control of a narcissist, sociopath, psychopath. Your knowledge & lessons will certainly help other’s David! 😀

        Liked by 1 person

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