A Healing & Informative Site About Narcissistic Sociopaths

Making Peace With The Past


it does not mean to be in a place

where there is no pain, confusion,

or sorrow. it means to be in

the midst of those things and still

be calm in your heart 

tela hill









The past is good for two things: To Learn From and Enjoy. YES! I said enjoy. It is probably difficult to figure out what ‘enjoyment’ you can get from your Sociopath or Psychopath. Because they have the ability to be horrible and wonderful at the same time, the enjoyments were sporadic at best. The past is a dangerous neighborhood when involved with a Sociopath, and we don’t necessarily like to visit that place. However, it is essential for healing and moving forward. Sometimes we have to visit that neighborhood often, and that is perfectly ok! At one time it was a great place to be. Prior to jumping on the crazy train .

Do you have guilt? Could you have done something differently? If you are holding onto guilt over something you had no control over, you are acting the martyr. Harsh I know. Acting the martyr is of no benefit to you, just like carrying around a wagon full of guilt is of no benefit to you. Realize, you had no control over the relationship with your Sociopath, Psychopath. But now you have the control of letting go of the guilt. 🙂

We all carry shame from a relationship with a Sociopath. This shame lives deep in the hidden places of our hearts. Do not confuse Shame with Guilt. Guilt is saying ‘I’ve done something bad’, whereas Shame is saying ‘I am bad’. You are not bad for falling in love with a Narcissistic Sociopath! You are not bad for doing any and everything you knew to make the relationship work, even at the expense of your own happiness and sanity. There is no Shame in loving someone~ now it is time to love yourself.

Secrets~No one is exempt from having deep dark secrets from their life with a Sociopath or Psychopath. Countless excuses  made to  families, friends and even to yourself for them. Time and again swallowing their bullshit lies only to have to lie for them. Being abused, yet lying about the abuse. We are as sick as our secrets, and to get better is to tell our secrets. Basically tell on ourselves.  This can be done via blogging, or with a close trusted friend (I emphasize trusted as you don’t want to share a secret and have someone throw it back at you). A family member, or your clergy. Somehow, you have to get the secrets out~  So many times we allow ourselves to go back to the old memory neighborhood and try and resolve something~ but we cannot. We ride the emotional roller coaster, which at times feels like it is stuck not moving. This is because we have unhealed feelings. Make peace with them! 



11 Responses to “Making Peace With The Past”

  1. Madelyn Griffith-Haynie, MCC, SCAC

    WELL said. I plan to backlink it to “Shame on Shoulds” on ADDandSoMuchMore. I’ll ping you — I hope you’re set up to see pings.

    Thank you very much for “liking” a post on my blog – I am always amazed when anyone takes the time to read it, much less “like” or comment, so it means more than you know.

    (Madelyn Griffith-Haynie – ADDandSoMuchMore dot com)
    – ADD Coach Training Field founder; ADD Coaching co-founder –
    “It takes a village to transform a world!”


  2. M.K. Styllinski

    I think Tela’s boundless positivity in the face of past trauma is a valuable example. It’s quite a challenge to see the positive when you’re recovering from an engagement with sociopaths, pathological narcissists and essential psychopaths. It changes you – irrevocably. Yet, it is that individual’s choice whether or not they stay the victim or to look dispassionately at the causes and effects and why it was that such a person arrived in one’s life. “Making peace with the past” can be done, over time and it’s immensely inspiring for others and is crucial for regaining a sense that normal life is possible after such a “dance with the devil.”


  3. afterthepsychopath

    You have an amazing ability to put into words feelings that come after these relationships, and then guide us on how to deal with these feelings in a very accurate and helpful manner. I learn so much from reading your blog. Great, great post.


  4. searchingstella

    I absolutely love this! I struggle with the difference between guilt and shame frequently, especially when looking back at old relationships or situations I wish had turned out differently. Great post! I like that you out the control back in OUR hands. Forgiving frees the forgiver, not the forgiven.



Leave a Reply to Tela Cancel reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Basic HTML is allowed. Your email address will not be published.

Subscribe to this comment feed via RSS

%d bloggers like this: