Before you embark on a Journey of Revenge, Dig Two Graves. Confucius
How many times have you thought to yourself ‘I want that bastard to know what he did to me’, or ‘I am going to get her back for all the pain and suffering’, or even “I’m going to give them a taste of his own medicine”. This is called revenge on the sociopath. All of these thoughts and then some are so self-destructive. As has already been established, Sociopaths will not take accountability for their destructive words and actions. Therefore to want revenge is wasted effort on your part. If you make a move, they will make a counter move even more damaging than what you can imagine. The Sociopath has no limits to complete ruination of another.
Sociopaths use power and control over your thought’s and emotions. So the best revenge is to get that power and control back. But is that really revenge? Yes, and no. Yes, because you have taken control away from the abuser. And no, because you need to have control and power over your own thoughts and emotions to be able to move forward and start the healing process and improving your life. It is a natural human response that when we are being attacked (in any manner), we want to defend ourselves. And if the defense does not work, we then want revenge. All to often children of Sociopaths and/or Narcissist are used as revenge against the other parent. That in itself is abuse. Wanting to hurt someone either emotionally or financially because they did the same to you is only going to create a viscous cycle of abuse. Sociopaths are far more skilled in the revenge arena, because what you do, or want to do, will have no affect on them. They will simply just move on and continue their destructive lifestyle. Remember, they don’t care about the future, only the ‘right now’ and what they are needing.
So how do you make yourself feel better from all of the abuse? And, without revenge??
- First off is Acceptance ~accept that what has happened cannot and will not be changed! With this acceptance, you now have the control on how any further communication with the Sociopath is handled. Accept that any monies and/or material possessions that were lost most likely will not be returned (unless you go to court etc.). So accept that now you have control over your finances and material possessions.
- Second~Do not use the children as revenge!! This is so detrimental to them. They have probably witnessed multiple melt-downs by you. Or multiple arguments, and even physical abuse. So to use your children as pawns in the game of revenge is equal to abuse done by you. By loving them, and reassuring them and building a strong bond between you and them will show the Sociopath he didn’t win in the destruction of mother/child relationship. Sadly, however, there are mother’s who have lost their children due to either the mind manipulation of the Sociopath, or the manipulation of the court system. The best revenge in these cases is be steadfast in your unconditional love to the children. *I will have a post later about this as it a very serious issue and children are lost in the court system to frequently and unfairly.*
- Third~LOVE! Love yourself first and foremost. Love your faults! Love your shortcomings! None of us are perfect, or have perfect lives. Every person has their own journey they are on, don’t compare yours to theirs. When you can love yourself unconditionally you will realize how wasted your thoughts about revenge are!
- Forth~Be Forgiving. I know your thinking “no way will I forgive that asshole for what he has done”. In the thought process of forgiving him, it will you make your realize that Thank Goodness YOU do not have a Personality Disorder! You are not going through life emotionally detached! You are not going through life causing destruction. So Forgive the abuser (which does not take away accountability) it just gives you a peace and hopefully a start of clearing the mess that was made by the Sociopath.
- Fifth~ and for fun make a Voodoo Doll 🙂
Never does the human soul appear so strong as when it foregoes revenge and dares to forgive. edwin chapin