A Healing & Informative Site About Narcissistic Sociopaths



Before you embark on a Journey of Revenge, Dig Two Graves. Confucius

How many times have you thought to yourself ‘I want that bastard to know what he did to me’, or ‘I am going to get her back for all the pain and suffering’, or even “I’m going to give them a taste of his own medicine”. This is called revenge on the sociopath. All of these thoughts and then some are so self-destructive. As has already been established, Sociopaths will not take accountability for their destructive words and actions. Therefore to want revenge is wasted effort on your part. If you make a move, they will make a counter move even more damaging than what you can imagine. The Sociopath has no limits to complete ruination of another.

Sociopaths use power and control over your thought’s and emotions. So the best revenge is to get that power and control back. But is that really revenge? Yes, and no. Yes, because you have taken control away from the abuser. And no, because you need to have control and power over your own thoughts and emotions to be able to move forward and start the healing process and improving your life. It is a natural human response that when we are being attacked (in any manner), we want to defend ourselves. And if the defense does not work, we then want revenge. All to often children of Sociopaths and/or Narcissist are used as revenge against the other parent. That in itself is abuse. Wanting to hurt someone either emotionally or financially because they did the same to you is only going to create a viscous cycle of abuse. Sociopaths are far more skilled in the revenge arena, because what you do, or want to do, will have no affect on them. They will simply just move on and continue their destructive lifestyle. Remember, they don’t care about the future, only the ‘right now’ and what they are needing.

So how do you make yourself feel better from all of the abuse? And, without revenge??

  • First off is Acceptance ~accept that what has happened cannot and will not be changed! With this acceptance, you now have the control on how any further communication with the Sociopath is handled. Accept that any monies and/or material possessions that were lost most likely will not be returned (unless you go to court etc.). So accept that now you have control over your finances and material possessions.
  • Second~Do not use the children as revenge!! This is so detrimental to them. They have probably witnessed multiple melt-downs by you. Or multiple arguments, and even physical abuse. So to use your children as pawns in the game of revenge is equal to abuse done by you. By loving them, and reassuring them and building a strong bond between you and them will show the Sociopath he didn’t win in the destruction of mother/child relationship. Sadly, however, there are mother’s who have lost their children due to either the mind manipulation of the Sociopath, or the manipulation of the court system. The best revenge in these cases is be steadfast in your unconditional love to the children. *I will have a post later about this as it a very serious issue and children are lost in the court system to frequently and unfairly.*
  • Third~LOVE! Love yourself first and foremost. Love your faults! Love your shortcomings! None of us are perfect, or have perfect lives. Every person has their own journey they are on, don’t compare yours to theirs. When you can love yourself unconditionally you will realize how wasted your thoughts about revenge are!
  • Forth~Be Forgiving. I know your thinking “no way will I forgive that asshole for what he has done”. In the thought process of forgiving him, it will you make your realize that Thank Goodness  YOU do not have a Personality Disorder! You are not going through life emotionally detached! You are not going through life causing destruction. So Forgive the abuser (which does not take away accountability) it just gives you a peace and hopefully a start of clearing the mess that was made by the Sociopath.
  • Fifth~ and for fun make a Voodoo Doll 🙂

 Never does the human soul appear so strong as when it foregoes revenge and dares to forgive. edwin chapin


10 Responses to “Revenge”

  1. Léa

    Tela, I applaud your work. My first narcissistic sociopath was ‘the mother’. She never was ‘my mom, mother or anything else. There never was a bond but I stayed all too long. My father was unable to defend himself and so naturally I appointed myself his protector. There was a half-sister who being 10 years older was rarely around by the time I came along. She never wanted to know me. My father long gone and revenge was never something I sought. All I wanted was peace. Today I have not only peace but more than I ever could have dreamed of. Hang in there!


    • Tela

      I specifically write from the female perspective. Although, abuse from a narcissistic sociopath can be male or female. Statistically, there are more males with this Antisocial Personality Disorder.


  2. eoftheu2014

    Many of us are better than those who interrupted our lives with their nonsense. And because we are better, we will simply take our toys and go home, leaving them to their selves soulless selves, if they have not soul. Another blogger I read said it best … he will not live a better life than me! Great Post, Tela.


  3. Constance

    Fantastic pointers for us. 🙂 Voodoo doll in the making. lol

    My want for revenge was short lived. I realized several things: One, it would be completely lost on him. There would be no learned lesson. Nothing is his fault, he’s not responsible for anything. Two, it would only feed the beast. Any attention is good attention, even bad attention. Also, see number one. Three, my hands are clean. I can go forward, do the things I need to do to keep him away from me and not have to worry about what the authorities are going to dig up on me. Four, I wanted us away and safe from him even more then I wanted revenge. I wanted to be done and never see him again. And as swim says, he is willing to go much further then I, as I have a conscience. It’s evident in what he has done so far, just due the fact that I left.


  4. SWIM

    The question with revenge is: how far are you willing to go? I would wager the sociopath will go further.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Sunshine

    best revenge is moving on and become a stronger and better person 😉


  6. Hiding2014

    I will admit, revenge is sweet, but you are correct – being the bigger person and realizing that this person is mentally ill, according to the DSM-V. I am just glad it is not contagious. As I said in an earlier post, if you know who and what you are dealing with, can you have a relationship on your own terms – that was my Inner Goddess telling me “Girl, you have a toolbox of tools, now use them as payback”. Yes, my inner Goddess screams at me all the time. HA HA… It is part of the healing process, besides why carry gasoline to a fire.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. StrongerSoulSurvivor

    Great post, great message. You make a really clear point – in seeking revenge, the person we are most likely to hurt is ourselves. The thing that gets me, though, is so many abusers falsely accuse women of being out for revenge – often, deliberately twisting the very things we need to do in order to keep safe. I know they will only ever see things from their own point of view, but it is still frustrating.

    I’m not a vengeful person – never have been. But I have no doubt that my ex considers that I am using our child to hurt him. I am certain he won’t consider that I have been warned by child protection services to prevent contact, and he has so far failed to do what he has been asked to do to apply for contact. I’m not going to risk losing my child while he won’t even help himself. He wants me to do everything for him, just the way it was before I left. That said, I’m not so sure he’s even that bothered about the child (which hurts a lot). Throughout his stalking, he never once asked me how the child was or anything at all about them, he was so focussed on me.

    Still, it leaves a sour taste in the mouth to know he considers ME to be the bad guy. Guess I just have to live with it, like everything else.


    • Tela

      No! You don’t ‘have to live with it’….try and accept it. You no longer need to make concession’s for his asshole-ism! And fair enough if he wants to continue to make you out to be the bad guy, and continue to falesly accuse you of revenge~then so be it. At the end of the day, you and everyone close to you know who and what he is! So in all reality, he is just continuing to display his true, hollow character. It is so very frustrating when all your trying and have tried to do is keep the peace, be validated, and recognized for what you are dealing with. You will never get that validation and recognition from your Sociopath. Remember, you and your child are simply ‘objects’ without merit to him! LOVE yourself! You have helped and empowered so many of us on WP and beyond! For that, you are so validated!! ~hugs to you my friend~

      Liked by 2 people


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