You have just been totally emotionally, mentally, possibly physically and financially destroyed. Life with a Narcissist, Sociopath and/or Psychopath leaves us completely exhausted. This post will be about the Long Road Ahead and how to navigate the new twists and turns. Hills and valleys you will find yourself on.
Most all relationships end shitty. And relationships with Personality Disorder people, tend to end even more shitty because of the continual mental dysfunction. Realize, you are not alone! Sadly, there are many, many people who’s live’s have been forever changed and/or damaged by a Narcissist, Sociopath. Sometimes you may have a family member or friend say ‘i know what your going through’. And unless their live’s have also been affected by a Sociopath, they have no clue what ‘your going through’.
You probably feel like your Dorothy in The Wizard Of Oz and just fell out of the sky and landed in foreign territory. And for the most part, that is where our ‘head’ is. We were caught up in the spin cycle of the Narcissistic Sociopath’s life and are now on a new road.
- Feel the Pain~there is an immeasurable amount of pain associated with a break up. Feel this pain, because if you try and ignore it, the pain will last longer. Feel the total loss of everything you invested into your Sociopath, it’s ok! Feel the anger, betrayal, the lost love. You need to process the fact that it is over, and the sooner you can do that, the sooner you start your journey on the new road.
- Accept the Cycle of Emotions~ this is where the twist and turns come in on your new road ahead. There will be sadness, anger, fear, longing. The problem with these emotions is, they will make you tell yourself a story that will seem totally true (and discourage you) from going forward.
- Sadness: you will start to blame yourself. You will go back and re-live scenarios in your head and think ‘only if I did such & such, or if I hadn’t reacted a certain way.’ we would still be together. NO! You would not still be together. And if you would, you would continue to be a puppet on his string dangling you as he wished.
- Anger: on the anger part of the road this is where we blame the Sociopath! And in all reality, he probably is to blame for the majority of the dysfunction. Anger does relieve some of the sadness, so welcome to the twist and turn part of your road.
- Fear: this is a valley in the road. What do you fear? Fear being alone? Fear of not being able to move forward (your just used to the spin cycle). Fear that nobody will want you (and your children if you have them)? Fear that you may have missed out on life-long bliss with your Sociopath? Write your fears down and address them one at a time! And you will ultimately see, there is no need for fear. It’s just a deep valley on your road trip.
- Longing: you miss him!! Miss his touch, Miss the sex, Miss the fun times, Miss the constant interaction. Miss feeling ‘needed’ by someone. This longing is a peak on your road, and it disguise’s itself as hope. You will feel the longing when you are starting to feel just a little bit better. and the hope is a better feeling than all the negative, discouraging feelings you have been going through. Hope is good, but that is a feeling in the wrong direction if the hope is to get back with your abuser. Don’t turn around, keep traveling forward on your road.
Each relationship, and each break-up is different. The only similarity is, there was abuse involved. Some road’s may be longer than other’s, and the peak’s and valley’s may be higher and lower. As long as your recognize, and deal with each one as they come. Try not to consume your thoughts on one or more emotion. In time, you will be a better you, just don’t be to hard on yourself.
Solitude has a healing consoler, friend, companion: it is work.
(photo courtesy of Me 😀 )