A Healing & Informative Site About Narcissistic Sociopaths

The Long Road Ahead

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You have just been totally emotionally, mentally, possibly physically and financially destroyed. Life with a Narcissist, Sociopath and/or Psychopath leaves us completely exhausted. This post will be about the Long Road Ahead and how to navigate the new twists and turns. Hills and valleys you will find yourself on.

Most all relationships end shitty. And relationships with Personality Disorder people, tend to end even more shitty because of the continual mental dysfunction. Realize, you are not alone! Sadly, there are many, many people who’s live’s have been forever changed and/or damaged by a Narcissist, Sociopath. Sometimes you may have a family member or friend say ‘i know what your going through’. And unless their live’s have also been affected by a Sociopath, they have no clue what ‘your going through’.

You probably feel like your Dorothy in The Wizard Of Oz and just fell out of the sky and landed in foreign territory. And for the most part, that is where our ‘head’ is. We were caught up in the spin cycle  of the Narcissistic Sociopath’s life and are now on a new road.

  • Feel the Pain~there is an immeasurable amount of pain associated with a break up. Feel this pain, because if you try and ignore it, the pain will last longer. Feel the total loss of everything you invested into your Sociopath, it’s ok! Feel the anger, betrayal, the lost love.  You need to process the fact that it is over, and the sooner you can do that, the sooner you start your journey on the new road.
  • Accept the Cycle of Emotions~ this is where the twist and turns come in on your new road ahead. There will be sadness, anger, fear, longing. The problem with these emotions is, they will make you tell yourself a story that will seem totally true (and discourage you) from going forward.
  1. Sadness: you will start to blame yourself. You will go back and re-live scenarios in your head and think ‘only if did such & such, or if hadn’t reacted a certain way.’ we would still be together. NO! You would not still be together. And if you would, you would continue to be a puppet on his string dangling you as he wished.
  2. Anger: on the anger part of the road this is where we blame the Sociopath! And in all reality, he probably is to blame for the majority of the dysfunction. Anger does relieve some of the sadness, so welcome to the twist and turn part of your road.
  3. Fear: this is a valley in the road. What do you fear? Fear being alone? Fear of not being able to move forward (your just used to the spin cycle). Fear that nobody will want you (and your children if you have them)? Fear that you may have missed out on life-long bliss with your Sociopath? Write your fears down and address them one at a time! And you will ultimately see, there is no need for fear. It’s just a deep valley on your road trip.
  4. Longing: you miss him!! Miss his touch, Miss the sex, Miss the fun times, Miss the constant interaction. Miss feeling ‘needed’ by someone. This longing is a peak on your road, and it disguise’s  itself as hope.  You will feel the longing when you are starting to feel just a little bit better. and the hope is a better feeling than all the negative, discouraging feelings you have been going through. Hope is good, but that is a feeling in the wrong direction if  the hope is to get back with your abuser. Don’t turn around, keep traveling forward on your road.

Each relationship, and each break-up is different. The only similarity is, there was abuse involved. Some road’s may be longer than other’s, and the peak’s and valley’s may be higher and lower. As long as your recognize, and deal with each one as they come. Try not to consume your thoughts on one or more emotion. In time, you will be a better you, just don’t be to hard on yourself. 

Solitude has a healing consoler, friend, companion: it is work.

berthold auerbach

(photo courtesy of Me 😀 )

©sociopathlife.com

19 Responses to “The Long Road Ahead”

  1. Torn 2 Peaces

    Yes, Tela, he is smart enough to make it subtle so that he can claim he doesn’t force or yell. However, his few violent acts were enough to maintain control out of the resulting ongoing fear. But I would say that the emotional abuse was by far more painful & even humiliating. He destroyed what mattered to me by controlling finances and situations. He also physically destroyed photos and verbally and silently destroyed my sense of self. He does this to my daughter. I hope she learns the words for this from a blog like yours. I don’t see any blogs for youth psychologically abused by a parent via Parental Alienation, sexually, or whatever.

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    • Tela

      How sad that he destroyed photos! My EX did not destroy the photo’s. However he mailed a huge box to me with any card, gift, etc ever given to him with a nasty note inside. A few months latter he realized what an idiot he was a begged me to give him the gifts back! Ummmmmm, NO! As far as blogs for youths being psychologically abused, have you thought about doing one? I do follow several blogs regarding parental alienation.

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      • Torn 2 Peaces

        Yes, I have a blog for youth called “From Torn 2 Pieces 2 Peace” http://Torn2Peaces.com but I need some kids of alienation to share their experience on this blog & be writers there. Thank you.

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  2. Torn 2 Peaces

    I remember being afraid to leave even though he treated me as if he didn’t want me anywhere around. I KNEW that I was NOT allowed to make my own decisions without some sort of punishment. The punishment might be very subtle — it usually included the silent treatment and sabotage or undermining.

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    • Tela

      Thank you @ Torn2Peaces for your comment. I like how you say the punishment was ‘very subtle’, yet it had HUGE consequences I’m sure.

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  3. herestill

    They say narcissists are the best people to have sex with because they try to prove that they are the best lovers.

    As for other traits…well any break up is hard. I posted something the other day that I found off when coming out of my 11 years relationship. That desperate need for time. Either to have it back it extend it. It’s a weird feeling but I think every break up is all about time in one way or another.

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    • Tela

      Thank you @herestill.wordpress.com for your comment. And your correct about ‘time’……we have to give time…time! 🙂

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  4. FireWalker

    Tela, I love the spin cycle…it is where I live and have lived for 22 months. Another great post. I think Adel was with a narcissist and I think she used it to her benefit, it appears you have too. 🙂

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    • Tela

      Thank You! @lessonsinthefire.wordpress.com for you kind words. If I know, that one person has benefited is the smallest of ways from the Hell I went through, I can tell myself then ‘it was all worth it’. Not saying I would ever want to meet or be involved with another Narcissistic Sociopath, it means that I was able to move forward, and let another person know, in time, it will be okay. I love your blog btw~

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  5. StrongerSoulSurvivor

    Really great points, especially on feeling the pain and accepting the cycle of emotions. On escaping my ex, I felt stuck in a ditch I couldn’t crawl out of – nobody around me understood why I should grieve for a man that abused me. Everything reminded me of him – for good and for bad.

    One of the best things I did was stop beating myself up for being ‘stupid enough’ to miss him – the complex emotions I felt were normal. If only I’d have had your post to read back then!

    Now, I can get through whole swathes of the day without thinking of my soul vampire;) Thank you for highlighting that we have to accept what we feel in order to recover.

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  6. revgerry

    Excellent post, Tela, especially #4, the trap that tells you you would feel so much better (your normal grief response to loss would go away) if only (insert anything having to do with seeing the abuser).

    The idea is to take the time to grieve, and to learn to love and value yourself, such that the next person you attract into your life will not be a repeat experience with a different face.

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    • Tela

      Thank you @revgerry.wordpress.com for your kind comment. As always, your a women with wise words accompanied by kindness 🙂

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  7. Hiding2014

    I would have to say the hardest has been the “Longing”, I miss him like crazy, I miss his touch, the sex was incredible, I miss the fun we had, the constant interaction and his childlike innocence. He was really like a child – the lies, the blank stares, like a little kid getting caught with his hand in the candy jar. I miss how much I thought “he LOVED” me, I miss feeling on top of the world, like WOW – how could I be so lucky… but over time, it became draining. I even conceded to the notion that – hey, he is a cheater, he lies, he is manipulative, etc., but he is my kind of crazy and it is what I needed at the time (I thought) and I just pretty much stop judging him, accepted who he was, etc. As far as what SWIM talked about – “Michael” pretty much was at that level with me – he basically told me truth, the honest to God truth – a few of his deepest darkest secrets; however, I am sure there were plenty more I didn’t hear about. I actually told myself that as long as he was truthful and came clean about is indiscretions, misdeeds, lies, etc. Fuck it – I was aware I was dating a Sociopath and handled it. Until it became smothering… and I mean smothering with ooey gooey preening, compliments, etc. just in the hope that we would have sex at least once that day. I will say, that when he started having issues of keeping himself hard – it truly devastated him and I won’t lie, I got my digs in.

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    • Tela

      Thank you @kristendperkins.wordpress.com for you comment. Even 8 months removed from the ‘physical’ aspect with my Narcissistic Sociopath, there is still the occasional attacking, contact from him. And I won’t lie and say I to this day I don’t miss the physical aspect, because I do. Like you, sex with him was A-M-A-Z-I-N-G. However, looking back of course it was, I was basically a one night/day stand over and over and over. He was emotionally detached. Even though he ‘professed’ his love often. Sometimes when he was sleeping he looked like a lost boy (and the only time i saw peace on his face). Sad actually. I always, and will always think, there is a kinder person inside him somewhere, it has just been lost a very long time ago. And as far as getting the ‘digs in’ I’m guilty of that as well. At the end of the relationship the verbal warfare was just insane! So many ugly,hurtful, hateful things said on both sides. For which at the time it felt better to say them, but now, I know they did hurt his pride and/or ego! Oh well, he got off easily!

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    • Tela

      Persia~i read your post yesterday, and you saw my comment! I understand your feeling tender. Abuse is so horrible, and so hard for us to understand. Just take it hour by hour, don’t try looking ahead (and try not to look behind). I know, easier said than done, but YOU can, and YOU have made it!!

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      • persiakarema

        Thank you for your advice. I tend to try to do everything all at once and am quite impatient with the healing process. Hour by hour is a good start!

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