A Healing & Informative Site About Narcissistic Sociopaths

Dealing With Discard

I equate the ending of a relationship to a death in a sense. It is the loss of the ‘forever’ with someone, the loss of a ‘future together’, the loss of ‘shared dreams’.  With these loses you need to grieve.

For some, the Sociopath, Psychopath, Narcissist just ended the relationship with no warning. Some stop returning phone calls or do not reply to text messages. Some just disappear {only to contact you for whatever lame lie excuse at the time}, and other’s give you some sign’s that the relationship is not quite what it was. No matter how your relationship/marriage ended, it was most likely abrupt and most likely your fault {because a person with a Personality Disorder has no fault’s…..in their minds}. 

You will miss your Sociopath, Psychopath terribly!! You may experience physical pain on top of the emotional pain. You may even physically ache for the person. Unlike a ‘normal‘ relationship when it ends, the two people involved are both in agreement the relationship needs to end for whatever reason(s), or if they are not in agreement, at least they are aware the relationship will be ending.  Your tears will be many, the sadness will be overwhelming, the loneliness almost unbearable. You will find yourself consumed daily, even hourly, with thoughts of the Sociopath, Psychopath, Narcissist. There is not an appropriate time of healing, for each of us are different. You do however, need to be mindful of the consuming thoughts.
QUESTIONS, QUESTIONS, QUESTIONS
We spend our entire lives asking and answering questions, this is how we learned in school. When we met our future love sociopath, psychopath we answered a lot of questions 🙂 . For some of you, you even answered a question with “I Do”. So when these relationships end abruptly, almost always ugly, and sometimes they end multiple times, you will have a LOT of unanswered questions. Most common is, what did I do to deserve this? What could I have changed? Why didn’t he love me like I loved him? What does he/she see in the next person? How could they just walk away so easily? Why won’t they answer my calls or text? QUESTIONS!! of which you most likely will never get an honest answer, IF you even get one. We all want to feel validated. And in the beginning of these toxic relationships we get an abundance of validation, usually. So when we are left in a huge dust storm of emotional/mental  & sometimes financial destruction we want to know WHY? ?
As hard, next to impossible actually it will be, sometimes we just do not get the answers we want and/or need. Because I was also one of the unlucky ones in a toxic relationship, I also was diagnosed with breast cancer 5 months into the relationship.  So for me, I look at that relationship like the cancer-slowly eating away at me. And neither of these I can see. Yes, we can “see” the person who did this destruction to us, but we COULD NOT see it coming, we could not see our hearts & souls being destroyed. Just like I cannot see the actual cancer. So try and equate your Ex to some disease that was slowly destroying you-and that there is no cure. You have to give yourself ample time to grieve! Have grand pity-parties! Then put the toxic relationship in it’s place and you decide when you want to pull those thoughts out and deal with them, just try not to let the toxicity consume you 🙂 .
Give Time…….Time. Understand that, you are an important person and are very much validated. Like I said in this post : Mirror Mirror On The Wall……He Does Not Define You After All! ~

©sociopathlife.com  ©sociopathworld.wordpress.com

9 Responses to “Dealing With Discard”

  1. babymamaivf

    Thanks for the words of wisdom. I definitely understand what I went through a little better. Like Jason my heart is broken and I have sacrificed my whole life and moved 2300 miles to be with him. Just to find out he is literally the craziest person I’ve ever encountered, not to mention made me crazy as well or at least made me believe I was crazy. He lied about having a criminal history and by the time I found out I was already in love. Lied about doing drugs and never once admitted to it. Made me feel like I was the most beautiful girl and the most special I felt like he was my soulmate. We were always intimate and I loved the passion I’ve never had that before. He started alienating me from all my family and friends took over my fb I wasn’t allowed on my phone he would delete messages from my friends and not tell me. He even took control of my car. Some days would threaten not to let me go to work. Ha one of us had to work to survive. I started drinking to relieve the stress then he stared calling me and alcoholic and lesbian bc of girls I was friends with. Everyday was a struggle with the name calling. It actually really hurt me I became pregnant after the 2nd month of being with him he was ecstatic I was scared. I finally had enough after he took my phone and car out of spite while I was at work and went to jail. I was angry and left the next day. I almost didn’t have a ride home from work. I didn’t talk to him for 2 weeks and he had another woman already I missed him so we would get together at nights. Lying to his new gf and myself all the while. I had an abortion and I still hurt over it. And him as well only bc it ended with so many lies and deceit he played her and I both several times. Not to mention getting her pregnant the week after I left. I finally came home but the pain is still there I am not contacting him but my heart aches everyday. I need this pain out of my life he has consumed every part of me wherever good or bad.

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  2. Jason Levy

    It has been almost a year since I saw my sociopath girlfriend. I must say it has been very differcult on me to say the least. We dated for 5 months and there was so many red flags and so many questions I didn’t know about her but I cared about her and cared so much about her kids I wanted to help her and thought we would be together forever. She broke up with me so unexpected and a week prior told me that besides her Dad I’m the only Man she ever loved she said so many things that even though the were over the top I really wanted to believe her. She began going out with someone else and I realize after reading your website she is a total sociopath and can’t be cured. Its so sad she is such a awful person and a bad Mom. I feel so sorry for her that she lies,and uses and manipalates people and doesn’t care about her actions. I still miss her so I question why do I miss someone who hurt me so much. I wanted to thank you I read your post all the time and it really hope to one day get her totally out of my mind and heart and understand that these heartache will pass . All The Best, Jason

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    • Tela

      Thank you Jason for your comment and sharing. You are correct that she cannot be ‘cured’. There would have been no amount of love, compassion, understanding, sympathy you could have poured into her to change/fix/cure her. And that’s what makes it so difficult getting over a Sociopath. Because you basically emptied yourself by giving so much to her, you were left emotionally and mentally paralyzed. It is definitely a sad situation that she has children, as sadly, they are most likely Sociopaths in the making. Remember, it is learned behavior. When she told you that you were the only man she loved other than her father, I can almost guarantee you she has said that to countless other men. She DOES NOT have the ability to understand what LOVE FEELS LIKE!!!! The reason you still miss her, is you miss the person that you want to believe existed in the beginning. Reality is Jason? ‘SHE’ never existed, she portrayed a woman who wanted you to fall in love with, she portrayed herself to be someone who had their shit together {mentally/emotionally stable etc}. As you know, all of that was fake! She is just a walking/talking <strong>COPY/PASTE PERSON

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      • Levy, Jason T

        Tela,
        Thank you for your words of encouragement. I have made progress in my no contact stage but I do miss her and like you said I miss what I thought she was. I think about her kids how much I cared for them and I never got to say good bye to them which really hurts me. I must move on with my life and very disappointed in myself for still thinking about someone who doesn’t care about me and is such a evil person. So I will keep working hard to hopefully one Day to get her completely out of my mind and realize God did me a favor by having her break up with me. I hope to God her 3 kids turn out normal and live productive lifes. I read your blog everyday and it gives me and understanding I’m not alone with this.
        Thank you,
        Jason Levy

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      • Tela

        Your welcome Jason. This is a very, very long process with many set backs. You cannot be disappointed in yourself as you were BLINDLY sucked into a life of Sociopath hell!!! You had no idea what was about to happen and change your life forever. Female Sociopaths are evil, vicious, cold-hearted etc. I know it’s so very difficult to accept {and that is what you must do ACCPET} that what she ‘gave’ you was not love….she actually TOOK from you. She will never be out of your mind completely. There are deep scars. However, as time goes on, you will find the hurt less, the disappointment gone and you will think of her less and less frequently. All you needed was validation that you, Jason, were not the one with the issues and all the bullshit words she said to you are lies! I hope in time the father of those children becomes involved, if not, then there are 3 Sociopaths in the making and there is absolutely nothing you can do about it. Give it to God! And no, you are so not alone in this my friend! ❤

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      • Levy, Jason T

        Tela,
        Thank you for responding. I totally agree I was in love with the person she made me believe she was. I have to keep my focus on what is in front of me and not behind. I know what is best for me but I need my heart and emotions for her and her children to let go and free me from my heartache.Besides my Mom and Dad passing this is the hardest I’ve taken anything in my life. I’m at least glad to realize that I was not the one who was the crazy one and dealing with a sociopath they make you believe you’re the crazy one.
        Appreciate you,
        Jason Levy

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  3. eoftheu2014

    Excellent Post. Sums of the feelings of being left in the dust with no explanation and so abruptly. Embracing the heartache and grieving works. It is a natural process.

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