As the devalue stage begins in your relationship with a sociopath, this creates even more chaos and confusion. You can read more about that topic in this post.
In my case with my xSocio, the devalue stage began after 5 months of
manipulation dating, I told him I didn’t want to be in a relationship with him any longer. There was so many red flags , and I found myself making one to many excuses for his behaviour:
- questioning my friendships (both male & female)
- not taking accountability for words or actions (specifically said to hurt)
- making hurtful comments about my faith
- twisting things i said, and then used in a hurtful way
- Using emotional manipulation tactics where i questioned myself worth in the relationship.
- His excessive drinking
Once i started recognizing what was happening, as far as the dynamics of the relationship started changing, i tried to figure out
when, how, why is this happening. Not realizing at the time, that this is classic Sociopath & narcissistic behaviour . Once I started pulling away, the xSocio attacked even more viciously. He started using these tactics:
- *Indirect Aggressive Abuse* instead of
- *The Blame Game* any and everything that went wrong was always because of something I did, didn’t do, could have done etc. Once again, Sociopath’s take ZERO accountability.
- Denying-goes hand in hand with zero accountability. I could say to him about an incident where he would call me the ugliest names and he always said’ I didn’t call you that”, or “i don’t know what your talking about”.
- *Lie’s By Omission* numerous times i would catch him in a lie, of course see above about denying. Then he would lie by omission-very useful tactic to a Sociopath.
- *Diversion* when asked a specific question about an incident, phone call/ text etc, a Sociopath will divert the conversation so that the focus is taken off of what you want them to answer. This is a very important one to recognize!
- *Less of Positive and More of Negative* conversations will be less of the ‘hearts & flowers’ and more of ‘insults and devaluing’
This is a very difficult stage for us. Even though we can see and feel the changes in the relationship, we want to believe we can ‘fix’ whatever is wrong. Or WE need to fix OUR-SELF. No, we don’t. This is when you have to recognize what is happening~the sociopath is a master at all stages of a relationship. Therefore, there is nothing, nada, zilch you can do to ‘change him’ (or her). You can go over in your head multiple scenarios on what is happening during this stage and think you can change the outcome, but you CANNOT. And as next to impossible as it is not to take on all the negative, you cannot let that happen. This is the devalue stage set into motion to start the emotional rape.